Hi Auntie,
I am a 25-year-old who has been facing an issue since 2015. My friends make me happy and sad. They aren’t responsive and I find that they don’t value me in their lives. This is while I have spent precious years, including time that I could have spent building my career, on them.

I understand that my destruction makes no difference to them. I started practising to be by myself, but my addiction (to my friends) and my own thoughts are a hindrance, including that I am nothing without my friends. I just exist. I don’t live.

I belong to a middle-class family. Due to a lack of love from my own family, I seek love from others. I don’t know when and how I got entangled in this addiction. How can we prioritise ourselves rather than begging for love and care from others?
Worthless and helpless man

Dear Solution Seeker,
You are neither worthless nor helpless. I hear you. Your words, your loneliness and the ache for belonging are real. You feel like you’ve invested so much in others and are left questioning your worth. Such disappointment can make the world feel heavy.

‘I Feel Worthless When My Friends Don’t Value Me’

Your friendships, the very thing that should lift you up, is what pulls you down. Trust me, you are not alone. Many people, at some point in their lives, wake up to the fact that they have given too much of themselves to others, who do not reciprocate. And it hurts.

Here’s what you need to know: your worth is not about who texts you back or who remembers your birthday. Your value does not depend on the attention of people who take you for granted. I won’t say “forget about them”, because that’s not how humans operate. Instead, I want you to ask yourself: what if I show up for myself the way I show up for others?

Your craving for connection stems from a childhood which lacked love. It’s natural to seek in others what we lack at home. But sometimes we hand over our self-worth, hoping someone will pick it up and treasure it. The truth is that people rarely do. And it is not because they don’t like you. It is because all of us are too wrapped up in our own lives.

So, how do you stop begging for love and start prioritising yourself? By becoming the friend to yourself that you have always wanted. Every time you show yourself kindness and understanding, you are breaking your dependency on others.

You don’t have to give up on friendships. Just let them be a part of your life, not the centre of it. Real friends do exist, but they should be adding to your life, not draining it.

So, here’s a challenge: start small. Do one thing today that is only for you. It could be reading, walking, journalling, or even just sitting with your thoughts without judgement. Work on building a life that makes you happy even when no one is watching.

You are not worthless. Nor are you helpless. You are at the beginning of a journey where you matter.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 30th, 2025