Hello Auntie,
I don’t want to get married. I don’t know how to get my mom and khala [maternal aunt] off my back. I’m on the road to financial independence. And I have great brothers. I have hobbies to keep me company and freedom to learn whatever I want. My boundaries are being severely compromised.

I also don’t want to disappoint my mother. She has put a great deal of effort in raising me and wishes to see me dressed up as a bride.

My mental health has also been affected badly. This has turned into something for my relatives and schoolmates — who are no longer important to me — to poke fun at. I don’t know how to handle this situation.

I’m 27 years old and only starting to pull myself together. I don’t know how to be mature about this, because then it becomes another reason for my father to call me “nafarmaan” [disobedient], when I’m only trying to protect myself, since I’m clearly not ready.

The tension I felt delayed my Central Superior Services (CSS) exam preparation and, now, I don’t have any achievement to present in my case. No amount of baking is cutting it either, I’m losing brownie points. Please, help!
Finding-My-Way

‘My Family Wants Me to Marry But I’m Not Ready’

Dear Finding-My-Way,
First of all, please know that you are not alone — many young women feel this same pressure and confusion when it comes to marriage, especially when they’re focused on building a life that reflects their dreams. It’s perfectly okay to not want to get married right now, or even at all. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for these things and it sounds like you’re on a journey towards independence, learning and self-growth. That is something to be proud of.

I completely understand that you don’t want to disappoint your mother. Her wish to see you as a bride comes from a place of love, care and, perhaps, even worry. But love doesn’t mean your own feelings should be set aside. Your mental health, your peace of mind and your readiness matter. Entering a marriage under pressure — when you’re not emotionally or mentally prepared — helps no one in the long run.

It might help to gently explain to your mother (and khala) where you’re coming from. Maybe write your feelings down first or even ask a trusted family member to help you have that conversation calmly. Let her know that this isn’t about rebellion or disobedience — this is about needing time, space and clarity for yourself.

I’m sorry that your relatives and former classmates have made you feel like you’re falling behind. But their opinions do not define your worth. You’re working on your goals, on self-development, and trying to do what’s right for you. That takes strength.

As for the CSS and the feeling that you have no ‘achievement’ to show, I would say: you are not a checklist. You are not failing. Life doesn’t move in a straight line and it’s okay to be finding your way at 27. The only timeline that truly matters is your own.

Lastly, please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not “nafarmaan”. Wanting to protect your peace and mental health is not disobedience, it’s wisdom. I hope, in time, your parents and family will come to understand that.

Sending prayers your way and I have the faith that you will find your balance — with or without a shaadi ka jorra [wedding dress].

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 13th, 2025