It`s called My Beautiful Mommy, and it`s a children`s book published in the US earlier this year. That all sounds regular and above board, you think, until I tell you why mommy is so beautiful — it`s because she has had extensive plastic surgery.

Reconstructive surgery, you might call it, after the natural disaster — sorry, precious and awe-inspiring miracle — that is having a child. And the beauty is, if you have a tummy tuck and breast implants in one hit, you get a bonza two-for-one offer on the therapy your child might need in the future. Please don`t try to redeem this offer, I am just being supercilious. What do I know of the ways in which one might screw up one`s child? Nothing at all. You can see why a book might be a good way to tackle the issue of plastic surgery with kids, since how do you do it on your own? `I`m going to have surgery ... no, I`m not ill ... it`s because I refuse to submit to the savage march of time ... No, poppet, I`m afraid you cannot surgically remove your bedtime, that is a different sort of march of time ... Well, because I`m vain, essentially ... and I lack the backbone to satisfy my vanity with diet or exercise ... I`m not trying to be a good example, I`m trying to get back into my jeans, you little git ... I`m cross because it`s your fault, you ravaged me!` All this information would be better filleted and then delivered by a third party.

Some might say the book, by Florida plastic surgeon Dr Michael Salzhauer, and written for four to seven year olds, is a step too far. `As I got older, my body stretched and I couldn`t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better,` says one cartoon mom.

But a lot of children`s authors make a living out of delivering bad news and pretending its good news — a new baby! No, you won`t feel usurped, alienated and alone, it`ll be FUN. This is a legitimate branch of the genre. I myself am currently working on Why I`m Allowed to Say That About Grandma, and Yet You`re Never Allowed to Say That About Me, Even Though Our Relationship is Directly Equivalent. Any alternative title suggestions are welcome . . .

— Dawn/Guardian Service