“We wanted to enjoy a romantic dinner after two years of stressed adjustment to a newly married life, immediate pregnancy and then a baby,” says a harried looking Asma, “But my husband and I hardly have any relatives in Karachi. So the big question is Where do we leave our one-year-old, while we forge ahead to rediscover the zing in our marriage?”

“It would hardly be romantic to talk over a candle-lit dinner in a five star restaurant with a one-year-old bellowing out of her high chair, and banging the cutlery,” adds her indulgent husband. “I told Asma that we'll postpone the dinner.”

“For how long? Another month or year?” snapped the flustered wife.

My husband and I exchanged a glance. We had been visiting our old friends, when suddenly we found ourselves caught in the middle of a couple's tiff. With an embarrassed laugh, and a gulp of cold tea, we steered the conversation to a safer course. But it got me thinking that this was yet another couple faced with babysitting issues. I thanked my luck that I could not relate to Asma because the advantage of living with ones in-laws includes the luxury of having a variety of happy-to-oblige, family members willing to baby-sit.

“My mother-in-law dotes over my two-year-old son. So much so, that I can't scold him when she's around,” grimaces 25-year-old Sarah. “However, baby sitting is something I don't have to bother about. She's always willing to look after Rayan. And what's more, he's completely contented to be with Dadi,” she finishes with a grin.

Zahra, mother of a three year old, and expecting another bundle of joy, feels completely house-bound. “It's been quite a few years since my parents passed away and I really envy my friends who can leave their kids at their mom's place without a second thought,” she sighs. Zahra has three sisters but all of them are working and married. “I hate imposing on my elder sister to baby-sit my daughter, because I know my daughter is rowdy and she gets into brawls with my sister's kids.”

The result Zahra ends up banking only on her husband to baby-sit in the evenings. “I know it sounds completely selfish to say this but I crave for some 'me' time,” she says shaking her head remorsefully, “I'm a terrible mom.”

The western culture allows for teenagers to be hired to look after young children. But that is an idea that is unacceptable in our culture. “I would hate for my child to be with a complete stranger for hours on end,” says Asifa. “I don't understand the logic of hiring a teenager, who is a kid herself, to take care of a child.”

Of course, in our part of the world, the more affluent of us have maids hired specifically to take care of the children. It is a common sight to see a decked up, perfumed mother strolling around a mall armed with her pile of credit cards, while a shy, young maid trudges behind her, laden with a bawling baby and an entourage of stuffed toys, rattles and baby bottles.

“I don't live with my in-laws and I'm not comfortable with leaving my two sons with my mum-in-law,” says Tania candidly. “If she baby-sits for them once a month I never hear the end of it for an entire year,” she adds cheekily. “So I prefer to pay my day-time maid extra if I need to go somewhere, to keep an eye on the kids.”

Laila Khan's parents are settled in Dubai, but being the mother of three, energetic kids hasn't stopped this go-getter from pursuing her career as a designer. “It's nothing big. I merely run a boutique, but it does involve endless shopping sprees for cloth, keeping a hawk-eye on the tailors and karigars and handling the accounts. I have an arrangement of leaving my kids at my cousin's place every afternoon. She doesn't have kids and is always keen to play with them.”

Laila's husband claims that her career's side effects include her kids' needs being ignored but Laila is adamant. “I'm not going to treat my kids like a liability. I'm doing this business because I can provide my family a better lifestyle and keep my creative juices flowing. And I don't need to feel guilty when I know they are being looked after well in my absence.”

There are many who believe that being a mom is a full-time job and that no one can look after the kids better than a mother. There are many other moms out there who cobble together arrangements for their kids to be looked after. They insist that life is all about juggling responsibilities and that you simply can't put your other interests on hold because you have kids. “That makes you a cranky, irritable mother and your kids can sense your discontentment,” says Ume Hani, a teacher. But the one point all mothers are unanimous about is that the baby-sitter is someone responsible; someone they can depend on.