I HAVE written about this before; it begs to be written about again: the ludicrous, ridiculous, absurd, outrageous, bizarre (yes, I have the thesaurus open for it is important to use all the descriptive words for something so very childish, immature, puerile and adolescent) so-called flag-lowering ceremony at the Wagah/Attari border between the sorry countries of India and Pakistan.

Let me lay my case before you one more time, reader. First and foremost, the lowering of national flags at the sound of the haunting notes of Retreat (which used to invariably bring tears to my eyes in the days that I served our army, for they brought back thoughts of friends no more, of comrades who had left the unit for other duties elsewhere, those who we loved and appreciated as good soldiers no longer among us) when the troops are at rest after a full day of difficult, sometimes dangerous, duties, is a solemn and dignified exercise, done with grace, quiet and respect.Not the loud show of completely misplaced swagger and fake bravado and machismo and braggadocio on display every evening on the Pakistan-India border, with soldiers from both sides preening themselves, twirling their moustaches, glaring at the other, making non-regulation drill movements which have nothing whatsoever to do with the drill manuals of either country, and generally making idiots of themselves, and by sure extension, of their commanders.

It is a shameful exercise which inflames the crowds on both sides, that sit in specially constructed stands, listening to martial songs from their respective sides of the border. Whilst relations between the two nuclear-armed countries should be more civilised, more polite, this uncivilised behaviour is allowed to be demonstrated to the whole world that surely sniggers behind our backs for the cretinous fools we make of ourselves.

Let me appeal once more to the sensible (or is it asking for too much) in the two governments to please put an immediate stop to this scandalous show. If there is no agreement between the two countries to discontinue this violent display, let our country do it on its own. If India wants to continue acting like a court jester to the crowds let it do so. Let us prove that we are more sober, more respectful of our flag than others are of theirs.

Incidentally, some time ago there was a news item that India was going to unilaterally tone down this nonsensical show upon which I recall having written a laudatory piece congratulating our Indian brothers and sisters for doing the right thing. I was shocked, therefore, to see on PBS television a warming-up show for the independence days of both countries just the other day. The same old tamasha was put on display with the same old jingoism. Shame on both countries.

I might add that the recent meeting of the foreign ministers of Pakistan and India, and the vibes coming from both capitals are, thankfully, most positive, and a pointer to better relations in the future.

May one exhort both countries to continue on this path — to open our borders to one another’s citizens, to increase direct trade over the land route and direct contact between the political leaders of both countries. I want to be able to drive to Amritsar from Lahore in the morning for thandi khui dian poorian, just as my friends from Amritsar want to drive to Gujranwala for tikka kebabs. Would that this would be possible one day, and that the two countries live in peace and harmony.

For which, of course, the dinosaurs on both sides will have to be left behind: let them gnash their teeth in rage and anger; let them tear out their own flesh, for if the people of both countries come together in peace they can do nothing. It is imperative, therefore, that Sardar Manmohan Singh accept the invitation to visit Pakistan at the earliest followed by a visit by our prime minister to India. That should be followed by visits of Presidents Asif Ali Zardari and Pratibha Patil to each other’s countries.

And as suggested earlier in this same space, Indian army chief Gen Vijay Kumar Singh should visit Pakistan (after the visits of the heads of government and state), and the very next week Pakistan’s army chief Gen Ashfaq Parvez Kayani should visit India.

We simply must, the Indians and us, show the world that we are a civilised people who respect the mass of the people on either side of the border; that we are not hell-bent on using our respective bums on each other’s unsuspecting and innocent populations. Come on, gentlemen, get real, get with it. For there are no winners in any zero-sum game.

On Sunday night, I saw The Help a very moving film about the experiences of African-American maids working in white households in Jackson, Mississippi, the centre of anti-black sentiment, in the late 1950s/early 1960s. As I had noted before, the treatment of these blacks by white supremacists was far better than what our domestics face in our homes and police stations in both Pakistan and northern India today.

The years have taught me that we must be one of the most racist people on the planet, the one relief being given to the domestics and farm labour during the time of Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto when these poor unfortunates finally found a voice. And the backlash, as in The Help, was something to behold: the Punjab glitterati turning against ZAB saying: “Yaar Bhutto nein taan nokkar hi kharab kar dittay nain” (‘Buddy, Bhutto has even spoilt [our] servants’).

Well sirs, there you go…

kshafi1@yahoo.com.uk