So many people, so many places and so many occasions to dine out. But who gets to pay? Someone’s got to because there’s no such thing as a free meal. It all depends on whether one is going out with friends, family, colleagues, clients or with same-interest groups. In any case, one should always go expecting and ready to pay for one’s own portion or more.

Although traditionally, in a couple’s outfit the man would pay for the meal, recently the scene has become a bit like playing Minesweeper. The man could be damned if he does pay and offend a feminist by assuming she would accept free meals, and damned if he doesn’t pay and look like a cheapskate in front of a traditional, romantic woman. Here it is a judgment call; although increasingly women are opting to not accept men paying for them; or will in turn insist on paying for the next dinner or coffee.

In a large family dine-out of children and grandchildren, parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins, nieces and nephews and all their spouses, there are several paying options. The host/patriarch/most affluent/most generous/most cuckolded one pays or else the bill is split family-wise, although it’s not exactly fair when a family of two pays the same amount as a family of six.

Traditional etiquette dictates that persons of the highest social standing such as a boss or an elder figure pay. In a business meeting, either the receiving party pays (a service provider courting a potential client, or a satisfied client rewarding a service provider for a job well done; both are usually marked as a business expense anyway) or both parties pay their own way.

Some people’s sense of hospitality still dictates that they extend invitations to dine out only if they are able to afford to pay for all as they consider it extremely rude to ask people to pay their own bills. While it may appease an increasingly outdated sense of honour, it may not work in the long run. Paying for everyone can be a financial burden. With a growing lack of reciprocation, they may start feeling cheated and resentful and avoid social get-togethers.

“I have this habit of always paying, whether for friends or co-workers, especially if they are women. I just can’t let them pay,” says Abid, who does feel the pinch but has not been able to embrace the new way of paying. The other diners may not like being force-obliged. Ramzan says, “It’s hard for me to accept any one person paying for everyone when I’m out with friends. With Dutch, one can go as often as one likes without any pressure on anyone.”

Splitting the bill is very popular with groups of friends and family that socialise often, where they add the tax, tip and any other charges to the total bill and divide it by the number of persons attending. But sometimes people change the rules. “Instead of dividing per head, many people divide by the family so a couple with two kids pays the same amount as a single person”, grumbles Anya, a single woman who loves to dine out but feels cheated when the bill is divided unfairly.

It is also advisable to order in the same approximate range as the rest of the table, “If one person orders a steak and another just has soup and salad, dividing the bill equally is unfair,” adds Anya. In such cases one can ask the waiter to bring separate cheques as this keeps payment clear cut and correct.

Groups that meet regularly generally eat at same-range or low-cost restaurants and take turns paying. This is a wonderful way to meet up often.

Sahar has worked out a cut-and-dried system for her various groups. “With family, whoever has invited pays. With siblings and cousins, the eldest pays. With close friends, we take turns. When we go out as couples we split the bill by the number of couples. With a large group of friends we divide the total per head. With colleagues we pay according to what we order.”

Some people may try to avoid paying even their own share. If that happens, the rest of the group can just consider it a gift and let it slide. They can offer to loan the money till the next get-together. They can ask them to pay just the tip. If it is a habit, they can discuss the payment with them before the next time they go out. If it really bothers the group, they can stop dining out with them.

With Facebook and SMS event invites it has become very easy for the organiser to specify what kind of payment scene is to be expected — a ‘host pays’ affair, separate cheques, treating a friend or splitting the bill. Each of these methods has its advantages and disadvantages, and groups usually establish a plan that is fair and acceptable to all involved. The main thing is that everyone should have fun and come away feeling good about the occasion rather than short-changed.