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In the 1992 US presidential elections, Bill Clinton’s campaign strategist coined a successful slogan; it’s the economy, stupid! This phrase summed up the economic recession during that period after the first Gulf war.

This phrase is now much used (and abused) in political debates by economists, politicians and liberal fascists. They argue that the actual problem of Pakistan is the economy, with more than 50 per cent of Pakistanis living below the poverty line. Landed classes hate the word economy as much as they hate the businessmen who think in terms of paisas and pennies. They collect profits on products in pennies that multiply into thousands and then millions. As they collect money in small amounts, they are essentially misers and don’t spend money unless they see the opportunity for more profits. They acquire art as investment, not for its love.

The pseudo aristocracy inherits the status, property and magnanimous trust funds; they don’t have to collect paisas like a lowly baniya. The Muslim rulers of India were also landed aristocracy and warriors who earned from spoils of war or from the jagirs allotted to them, leaving the dishonourable profession of trade to Hindu baniyas.

We, as a warrior nation, also hate the word economy as it reminds us of a dhoti clad, cowardly baniya. Our new politicians, religious leaders and warrior priests have diagnosed the real malady that is affecting our nation. According to them, the main problem is that a majority of Pakistanis are living below the honour line, and have given us a new slogan; it’s the honour, stupid.

Not only Pakistanis, the whole Muslim world unanimously desires to live honorably. We were living admirably ruling the sub-continent but because of the Mir Sadiqs and Mir Jafars, the dishonourable and cowardly British usurped our nobility. All that we need is honest leadership to reclaim our lost honour and once again rule the sub-continent.

Our cowardly and dishonourable leadership has soiled the honor of our country and is roaming around the world begging for loans, our country doesn’t lack resources. We have trillions of kilograms of gold, copper, oil, gas and coal , what we do lack is a few tolas of honour. Honourable scientists like Samarcongratulations Mand’s furnace from the scrap market of Bilal Gunj to utilise our coal resources and get rid of load shedding for the next 100 years.

Once we really start relying on our resources and start living with some integrity like our honourable student brothers who cut all the external aids of Buddhist Japan’s bread loaves and the Christian Red Cross medicine to their county and lived on their own resources. Afghanistan became the land of peace and women could walk around with one kilo of gold openly without any fear of robbery or theft. But she could not roam freely without her veil or mahram to venture to a hospital. We can learn from our Somali brothers of Al-Shahab, who instead of begging for loans are out in the seas in canoes and ships, collecting foreign revenues and remittances from merchant ships for their country. Now that is what I call a noble nation.

We can live without food, water, electricity, medicine, justice, democracy, shelter, roads, hospitals and schools, but not without honour. Our English medium schools are producing students with an inferiority complex that makes them cogs in the job market to serve imperialist masters. Only a uniform syllabus extracted from madrassa’s Dars-e-nizami, Zia ul Haq’s government schools syllabus would reap honourable students.

Drone Khan, Servant-in-Chief, and Maulana Petroleum disciples of honour, also believe in restoring it by rejecting American dictation. Our T-20 matches with the American, Indian and Jewish teams can be won only if we choose ghairatmand players for our team. Drone Khan is willing to be our strike bowler if he is provided with a Pepsi cap. Qazi Nowshehra is a great fielder and would be standing at backward silly point. Great military strategist like Hamid bin Flower would be standing at Freudian slips and Effendi Pasha at under cover position. Maulana Petroleum would be our wicket keeper as a result of his flawless record of collecting petroleum permits. Mehran Bank would collect all the money from ticket sales and the media would get pay per view rights of this great 20-over bonanza. Servant-in-Chief would be another strike bowler, who would hurl Ustad Daman couplets at Aghair (foreigners, outsiders) batsmen. The couple who killed their daughter in the name of honour in England would be our opening batsmen. Rose petals would be showered upon them by the restorers of our judiciary. Cheerleaders would include Ali Kiamat, Maria BBQ and Witness Afridi, dancing on the pitch with spiky shoes and chewing on a ball. American imperialists, India and Israel will eventually get crushed under a few bouncers and Pakistan will self-righteously win the World Cup of honour, ironically, without needing any.

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.