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I have been under immense pressure for writing negative columns about my beloved country.  All the paparazzi, twitteratis, blogoratti have shamed me for using the talent of my brush and pen only to bring out negative aspects of Pakistan. So, this week I have decided to write some positive aspects of Pakistan. To counter the evil propaganda of our enemies, I will use my brush and pen single-handedly to defend my country’s honour and bring to light the best of Pakistan that was hidden for the last 65 years. People who are contemplating leaving Pakistan as they consider we have hit the rock bottom of pit, should contemplate on my reasons to stay in Pakistan as I am a great patriot, contrary to some of my critics.

Pakistan is the only country where you can get house maids, servants and drivers at a cost that is unimaginable in a foreign country. We don’t have to pay for their medical bills, insurance etc.

Nobody will raise a finger or criticise you for child labour in our homes.

You can use electricity at your will (if it’s available) either through kundas or with the assistance of the meter reader who only distributes units consumed in summers in your winter bills. That is not corruption but unit management.

We have great regard for animal’s rights and green activists. I have seen ACs in tribal areas for cows and buffaloes, goats and donkeys. They have become green activists and now don’t cut trees for cooking and instead use 2000 watt electric heaters for cooking.

Our traffic police is the most polite and cooperating in the entire world. We don’t get tickets for violating traffic rules. They just admonish the law breaker and spare the offender the toiling task of court appearances and challaans, that is wastage of government stationary and additional load on the already burdened lower judiciary. They settle the issue on the spot.

You have the freedom to file your tax replies. The staff of the Tax department is so cooperative that they are willing to file your tax returns on your behalf. They only ask for over time charges.

You can marry at your will and divorce at will too. There are no cumbersome procedures like the decadent west where you have to show all your assets, share them with your wife and pay for the maintenance of your children.

Even if you are caught, you can live in great luxury like at home in a police station.  If you have enough money you can turn the entire thaana into your drawing room. The sentries guarding your cell can become your drivers, cooks and masseuses.

You can live in Pakistan without any papers or even a driving license for as long as you want if you keep Rs 200 in your wallet.

Even dacoits and cell phone snatchers have a code of conduct. You keep an extra wallet with few thousand rupees and a spare cheap cellphone; they will gladly accept that without further questions.

We have a great judiciary where not even two bottles of wine can be imported. That is why Pakistan is free of alcoholism. In the lower judiciary, the corruption has been wiped out and we now have nizam-e-adal of the early Islamic period.

We respect our traditions: honour killings, karo kari, vani are all respected and our politicians are free and unafraid to voice their support for our customs and traditions.

We have a free trade policy and everyone can import anything from outside without paying for customs through Nato containers, but we don’t allow imported alcohol in those containers.

We love our army and judiciary, the only two truly effective institutions in this country,  the bureaucracy and media are also stakeholders of Pakistan and they get a plot for their great sacrifices for the nation.

All Pakistanis pay zakat voluntarily as there is no coercion in our religion.

All minorities and sects are free in Pakistan and can build their temples and pray because our great Quaid said so in his 11th August speech.

All madrassas are great NGOs that are providing free food, education and shelter to the underprivileged segments of our society. They are the backbone and vanguard of our egalitarian society.

We have bara markets all over Pakistan to cater to the needs of our low income classes. The customs duty is subsidised for the benefit of consumers.

Pakistan is an investment friendly country. You can get subsidised electricity, exemption from custom duties, cheap labour and can evade taxes so we can attract foreign investment in Pakistan. This is not corruption but patriotic strategy to provide jobs and market opportunities to fellow countrymen. Only the feudals, who are not paying taxes and get elected to the parliament, are corrupt.

Pakistan is the only country where you can get justice in the shortest period of time. Jirgas, punchayats and tribal courts decide cases in open kacheris and instantly punish culprits.

In Pakistan, Zimmis (Christians, Hindus, Sikhs and Ahmadis) are living in enviable happiness compared to the horrible situation faced by Muslims in Western countries.

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.