The echo of the Cricket Bat is so loud these days that even our Sultan Rahi has been left behind. It has even promised that it shall beat the Tiger so badly that the latter shall never forget it. I cannot imagine why Khan Sahab has named his party Tehrik-i-Insaf when his party’s symbol isn’t even the scales, which symbolise justice. In fact, he let his previous party have that symbol. It seems like he will bring justice to the country through his previous Jamaat. He solely held on to the bat symbol for himself as justice is only there as namesake. Actually the best part for him is taking his turn to rule the country and he mentions this in every other sentence he speaks. “Hun jan deyo ji te saddi baari vi aan deyo ji.”

In any case, we need an expert batsman like Khan Sahab in the game currently being played in our beloved Pakistan and is expected to continue into the future. If he gets his turn, then you shall see how he hits a sixer upon a sixer. The ball shall always fall outside the stadium. Therefore, the bowler must be an expert, just like he is. But this is all for later. At present, he’s busy beating up Tiger with his bat. Let’s see if he succeeds in beating up the rest in the New Pakistan or whether he leaves the match at the umpire’s mercy, a tactic employed by our leaders for the past 65 years.

Our Tiger, the ‘Sher-e-Punjab’, has left the jungle and is now to be found within the limits of the cities. He refuses to relinquish his chance to rule Pakistan again. He has waited just as long as the Cricket Bat has to rule the nation. Thanks to the Saudi sheikhs, the luxury our Sher-e-Punjab enjoyed whilst in exile helped keep him silent and subdued throughout.

Now when it is time for the Sher-e-Punjab to finally move to the palace in Islamabad from his palace in Raiwind, the Cricket Bat has turned up to interfere with his plans. Their sole conflict lies in their opinion of whose turn into power it is, while their thoughts, ideologies, plans and even the supporters that stand behind them are all the same. Only this issue of each one’s turn to rule has brought them into a confrontation. The supporters stand at ease behind them because they know that whoever wins, the victory is eventually theirs. So they are just standing by watching their rallies becoming huge successes. Both parties are simply making noise, where the Tiger roars, the Cricket Bat slams.

Illustration by Abro

But all of the above is happening in Punjab. Apparently, in the last five years, Punjab has experienced numerous difficulties and developed a sense of deprivation in the process. The smaller provinces never had any standing within the federation in the past and it seems like things will remain the way they are in future. But now these small provinces have given Punjab a serious sense of deprivation. Now in order to alleviate this malady, either the Tiger must get the chance to rule or the Cricket Bat. The other provinces are calling for elections for no reason whatsoever. It would also be better for them if they cleared the path for the Big Brother. But whether the Tiger wins or the Cricket Bat, that depends entirely on him.

The cycle, as you probably know, is already punctured, with its other body parts scattered all over the place. It has no seat or pedals; its brakes don’t work. The handlebars have completely changed their direction. Therefore, you can just forget about it. The book has become outdated anyway and in the present circumstances, it has possessed more than its fair share of power. It has only a handful of madrassas to keep it going. The literate ones have been improved, while the remaining ones are more interested in partaking of the proceeds.

This time, the supporters at the back are betting on the Cricket Bat as the favourite because one’s face must be clean-shaven in order to be able to show the youth many happy dreams. It doesn’t matter if the beard is hidden somewhere underneath. But the face must be new and corporate-looking because these days the karobar of the gulshan depends on them. The conventional faces don’t appeal to the youth. Only the Cricket Bat will win the youth votes, while the Tiger can roar as much as he wants. Who said that curing his baldness would win him the youth votes? No way, the youth wants a new Pakistan and that is only possible with the Cricket Bat. Besides, we are already so close to establishing a new Pakistan.

Illustration by Abro

It has been heard that Punjab would continue to rule in the new Pakistan because, according to Mian Sahab, rivers of milk flowed through the province throughout the last five years and there was not a sign of corruption either. Vices like thievery, plunder, terrorism and the exploitation of the poor only exist in the other three provinces. Meanwhile, during these five years, Punjab has progressed greatly and God willing, all the said vices would be eradicated from Pakistan’s other three provinces in the future. It will reclaim its water, gas and electricity, made inaccessible by the other three provinces. But just remember one thing; whether the Cricket Bat comes to power or the Tiger, Pakistan will return to the path of progress. The looters have looted as much as they had to. Now it’s the turn of those people who neither commit plunder nor let others do the same.

Illustration by Abro

The lovers of darkness and enemies of light have decided that this country must remain in darkness. That is why their main target is the lantern, which helps the people in this era of loadshedding. A lantern and that too with a red flag and cap cannot be tolerated at all. If anyone wants to vote for the lantern, then that person may do that on their own risk. Our caretakers are helpless and not even mandated to do this. Regarding the real heirs of this country, they just want to remain as impartial as possible in the current situation anyway.

Along with the lantern, the arrow and the kite are also under attack by the Taliban. The kite was already in trouble but instead of destroying it further, the Taliban ended up helping it more. In any case, the kite has a habit of tilting over to the side where the wind is blowing. It always checks the direction in which the wind is blowing before tilting over. It is best not to even think of cutting the string because it uses the wire string to fly and this string slits throats. That is why there is a ban on kite-flying and the festival of Basant in Punjab. However, the Hyderabad-dwellers have really enjoyed the kite-flying this time. On one hand, there are bomb blasts and mourning while on the other hand, the season of Election Basant is being enjoyed immensely.

That leaves the arrow, who still thinks that it is still the symbol of victory and had settled for the same old slogan that says “Faislo zameer jo, vote Benazir ko!” Look, they still have expectations from the conscience of the poor. But no one is prepared to mention their conscience. Hopefully, those who are walking around with a rose in their hand won’t be disappointed by their followers. However, if this rose is left to the whims of the nationalists and progressives of Sindh, then there are many chances that the rose would wilt because they don’t recognise each other anyway and the rose’s turn comes much later!

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