Expatriate families face different kinds of challenges when they return to their native country, writes Nosheen Abbas.

Shifting from one country to another usually entails the upheaval of an individual’s existence. But for expatriates, returning home to their native country evokes distinct emotions. Families face different kinds of challenges when they return ‘home’, depending on what they are able to give and, in turn, gain from their homeland.

One of the top reasons for expats to move back with their families is the need to expose young children to Pakistani cultural values and instill a connection to the country before they become entirely independent. For others, the present economic climate hasn’t been too kind, forcing them to return owing to a lack of job opportunities. Some expats see this as a blessing in disguise and openly express the material advantages of living in Pakistan. And then there are those who feel sentimental about being back.

The adjustment process varies from one member of the family to another. Some find the move smooth while teenagers, for example, face a rougher time. My formerly expat hairdresser’s children had disparate experiences on returning to Pakistan. ‘The schools [in Pakistan] are great because back in England the classrooms are so huge that children don’t get individual attention. So my younger son has had a great time here,’ she explained. ‘But my teenager daughter had to return to England – she just couldn’t adjust.’

Indeed, the move is harder for teenagers and young adults. Already facing a torrent of personal changes, adapting to a culture that is largely foreign to them is a challenge they don’t necessarily overcome. A couple of expat teenagers expressed their ongoing confusion and at moving back. ‘I sometimes feel like I don’t belong here,’ says 20-year-old Junaid. ‘It’s the way people think and the competitive atmosphere in which everyone has a bring-others-down attitude.’ Still, Junaid admits that he has forged friendships here that are much closer than those he established in Norway.

Young women also face a tough time owing to the societal pressure to marry – they have to deal with random aunties and even uncles eagerly asking, ‘so when are you getting married?’ Sadly, those who are not yet of marriageable age also have to adjust to local standards. This is particularly difficult for those women whose parents lived conservative lives as youngsters and so impose their ideas of proper behaviour on their kids. It’s not uncommon for girls who move back to Pakistan to be restricted by curfews and dress codes.

‘I really think the dupatta is such a hassle, it’s always falling off,’ says Aneela, a 19-year-old who recently moved back from England. ‘But I have to wear it here. I think my parents are paranoid because at times I’ve been wearing the duapatta on my head when no one else around me has. It makes me think that I’d have a better time if my parents weren’t shoving ‘culture’ down my throat.’

But dark clouds always have silver linings. Anwar, who recently lost his job in the United States and had no choice but to return to Pakistan, is excited by the opportunity to raise his children in their native country. ‘My wife and I looked on the sunny side and thought it would be good to raise our children in Pakistan. We have a lot of family here and it has been so good to have them around,’ he says.

In addition to familial support, many expats appreciate the high standard of living they can enjoy in Pakistan. Take the example of Sana and Sohail, who have returned from Sydney. ‘I can suddenly afford to have a nanny and it’s great to have my parents in the same city too,’ says Sana. ‘They look after our baby and I’m able to go out and do things that I could never find the time to do in Sydney.’

Shahid, a jolly father of three who moved back to Pakistan three years ago, expresses similar sentiments. Indulging in a chilled mango, he admits, ‘you get to live a better life here; your purchasing power becomes more powerful.’

Admitting that settling in to Pakistan can be difficult, Shahid says that the extent to which expats adjust depends on which circles they move in. ‘My kids felt like they belonged to both England and Pakistan, but when they found similar people here, they felt more at home.’

In fact, Shahid is hinting at a trend among ‘repatriates’ to cling together and form cliques based on associations developed abroad. As an American friend recently pointed out, ‘the expats at my office seem to only be able to connect with one another, as if they can’t associate with Pakistani who have only ever lived here.’

For better or worse, expats cannot deny that they only fully understand Pakistan once they return. So while Aneela struggles with her dupatta, her brother Hamza admits that they are becoming more knowledgeable about their culture. He proudly says that he is now more informed that his cousins who ‘look Pakistani but are completely ignorant of what Pakistan is about.’ After drawing the comparison, Hamza says he’s grateful that he, unlike his cousins, is no longer a ‘coconut’ – brown from the outside but white on the inside.