Online bashing of political parties and their supporters has become a norm in Pakistan; social media is now also metamorphosing into a web of critical comments, complaints and insults of a more personal nature. If Facebook had a dislike button, it would probably be the most used feature of the site.

One only needs to log into and surf social networks to discover numerous examples of online shaming. For example, a young Pakistani woman claimed that a certain guy was blackmailing her friend on Facebook “via her pictures”. She posted an “awesomely edited” photograph of that chap, with his face replaced by another guy, who was being punched by a blonde in the picture. The woman was of the view that this was the best way to “hurt his ego and embarrass him all over the world.” She also asked her friend to send this picture to all the guy’s contacts on Facebook.

Though what the guy was doing remains vague, if we believe the lady’s claim, is social media shaming the best way to respond? He may have been indulging in cyber bullying, but making fun of him in front of all his Facebook contacts, which may include family, friends and colleagues, may result in bigger consequences. Conversely, it may not harm him at all, as the woman’s move appears quite immature. So what’s the point of doing it?

Has it now become more acceptable to bash family members or friends online when you are not getting along with them? If your husband is being annoying, do you really need to tell the entire world about it? Does anyone care about how horrible your ex-girlfriend was? Humiliating her on social media, won’t make people think highly of you.

Confession pages on Facebook, created by school and college students, are also active forums promoting gossip, shaming and bullying, with descriptions like “Confess the deepest, darkest and dirtiest secrets here.” While people making the confessions remain anonymous, they often give full names and expected year of graduation of the other student, making it easy for anyone to identify him/her. You can find a large number of not-so-funny confessions while browsing through these pages, for instance, “[Name of student]… becoming thin didn’t make you popular did it. Go eat again.”

Many shaming organisations can be found on Facebook groups and pages. You might have noticed people ranting about how they were mistreated by restaurant managers, waiters or even food delivery boys on Facebook groups. SWOT's Guide, a popular group for discussing Karachi's restaurants, cafes, dhabas, khokas and take-outs – has often had such updates. Recently the administrators noticed this trend and posted the following message, along with some guidelines:

“The group is an OPEN FORUM, hence visible to all (except those banned) so please when commenting remember that you are affecting someone's business - we don't wish to damage anyone's livelihood. BE PRECISE AND HONEST.”

While it is good to hold restaurants and companies accountable for the quality of products and services they offer, saying that the “food was pathetic, I will never go there again” is rather unfair, especially if you have visited the establishment only once. Other people intending to try out the new place will be discouraged, which will affect the livelihood of not only the restaurant owner but of all those he or she employs. Before posting your comments, try to consider all the possibilities. Think about whether they are not great at making the dishes you ordered or was it just tough luck that they failed to satisfy you on that day. If you want to speak your mind it would be best to mention the dishes you did not like with a reason, and if possible, give this feedback directly to the restaurant manager. A restaurant can improve and progress in this way, instead of declaring it a total failure online.

Another incident of social media shaming which caught considerable attention occurred during the month of Ramadan last year, when two ladies visited a crowded café, and did not get space to pray. Though several people questioned if this issue was worth highlighting, these women also won quite a few votes because of the incident’s religious nature.

Similarly, discriminatory/racist/sexist tweets are the norm on Twitter, especially those targeting the Ahmadi community, in the case of Pakistan. Several people on Twitter have made it their goal in life to criticise the Ahmadi community and its beliefs. If one digs deeper, such tweets are often the result of some negative but personal experiences with one or two members of the community, not all.

With more young people joining Twitter now, the shaming culture is getting worse day by day. Teenagers can be quite cruel and target peers who have done something to lose their popularity. It is however sad to see adults, such as their older friends or siblings, backing them up in insulting someone.

To some extent, we all have been a part of this shaming and hate culture. We become judgmental and quickly rant against companies/brands that don’t meet our expectations, or people who are different from us or may even have behaved inappropriately. Do we really need to be so self-righteous? In most cases, when we attack a person for their behaviour or comments, it is an act of cowardice. It happens when we do not want to reason or resolve a problem in person or just want to be entertained by making fun of someone else. Such shaming posts increase the negativity and can even have a harmful impact on someone’s life.