Once upon a time, there used to be a President named Ayub Khan. One day, his grandson heard some derogatory slogans against him. When his grandson chanted those slogans in his presence, Ayub – being the honourable man he was – resigned in a heartbeat.

See how ghairatmand he was? That's the kind of leaders we want right now. Where can one get injections of ghairat these days, anyway?

It is a fact that our whole system is rotten and corrupt to the core. One can disagree with Imran and Qadri’s methods, but their demands are 101 per cent genuine.

I don’t understand this fascination with the attacks on the Parliament, Prime Minister House and PTV. O bhai, they are public property, built by the tax money of our population.

Our votes have been stolen and we reserve the constitutional right to protest. We are not against democracy, we are against the dictatorship currently enforced by the Nawaz League. Until every single citizen of this land is hungry at night, democracy is a sham.

Who really wants democracy anyway? Why can’t we just have a referendum (Scotland-style) for people to choose if they even ‘want’ democracy or not? After Allah and and Army, only Imran Khan and Sheikh Rasheed can save this country.

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I'm fed up of all this London Plan, London Plan clamour. What about the plan in which Shahbaz Sharif meets various Generals under the shroud of darkness? Who writes that ‘script’, huh?

During Musharraf’s (Golden) era, Benazir and Nawaz Sharif regularly met in London and Dubai, scheming to overthrow a popular government. Why not condemn that? What is wrong if a few generals support our revolution? Are they not tax-paying citizens?

Nawaz Sharif, connoisseur of qeema naans and siri paye, fled the country on account of addressing the UN. Nobody even listened to his boring speech there. When Imran talks, the whole Pakistan – nay, the entire world pays attention.

Just give him a chance to become the Prime Minister (or CMLA; whatever comes first) and see how Pakistan progresses, how people like Obama queue up to meet and greet the great Khan. He is an Oxford graduate, not an alumnus of some paindu institute like Central Model.

Khyber Pakhtunkhwa is our fiefdom now.

You should visit the place to witness the wonders done by the party. People are getting insaf, police is no longer corrupt and the KP provincial assembly is not populated by relatives or in-laws of PTI’s politicians.

Noora patwaris and jiyalas are jealous of our achievements and don’t waste any chance of criticising our performance. The awaam is fed up of such spent cartridges, who have decided to take turns at governing and rigging the elections.

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And I'm sick of all the 'Burger' taunts. What does ‘Burger’ even mean? You mean the millions of people who thronged the PTI jalsas in Lahore, Karachi and Islamabad were burgers? ‘Burger’ means educated, you fools!

What do these ignorant noora patwaris know about the educated classes? Educated people are not given any importance here anyway. Until and unless educated people are given VIP treatment in this country, nothing good is ever going to happen.

People like me, sitting outside of Pakistan, understand the ground realities of the country much better than you. We observe democracy in action here, and are envious of it. You people can’t even imagine how much we fret over our home country. We are living here, serving our home country. We are the true Cervantes [no pun intended] of Pakistan. We left all our important tasks to fly to Pakistan during the elections (and the scorching heat).

So tell me, how is it even possible that PTI still lost the elections?

We keep hearing how the media is now free and the judiciary is free – absolute rubbish! The media can’t stomach our popularity. Dollar-khor and lifafa journalists vent their anger against our party day in, day out, in the English press.

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There is only one institution in Pakistan that delivers: the Pakistan Army. Be it war, floods, earthquakes, terrorism, you name it. The army is always at the forefront. These traitorous Sharifs are trying to malign the glorious Army, shame on them. Why can’t they let Musharraf leave in peace? The Umpire is just about to raise his finger, just wait and see.

Every other day, misinformation about Khan being a Jewish agent, or father of illegitimate children, is aired to dupe our gullible awaam. Gimme a break. Why can’t these people understand that politicians have a personal life, and it is undemocratic and unethical to comment upon the private lives of political leaders?

After Quaid-i-Azam, Imran Khan is the only true leader that this country has been blessed with. His only crime is to voice our collective wish: Establishing an Islamic Welfare State in Pakistan, like Sweden (which also has Omar’s Law).

The state should take care of its citizens like a mother, not like a stepmother who beats the hell out of peaceful protestors.

I'm reminded of that Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu who once said, “If police keep thrashing us, how can we bring Inqilab?”

But I can assure you, once we have our Inqilab, all these big feudals, landlords, gaddi-nasheens, capitalists and garbage-pickers will be exterminated. All corrupt politicians, policemen and extortionists will be hung upside down from a public square.

Just wait and believe.