COMING to conclusions too quickly and making up our mind about something or someone is not always right

The word “judgement” has different meanings in different situations, but today we are going to discuss the judgements we arrive at about other people. And often these judgements are simply based upon very superficial observations or trivial incidents.

Let’s say there is a party in your school and you turn up for it in some not-so-fashionable clothes. What do you think others will say about you? They won’t be praising you or anything like that. In fact, as we all know, they might say, “It seems that this kid belongs to a poor family” or “Because of being a nerd, this kid has no sense of fashion. It would not be a cool thing to hang out with this nerd.”

What is unfair is that these “judges” lend their “expertise” to others around them with so much confidence as if they know everything about everyone and whatever they are saying is right. Who gives them the right to judge others and pass their expert ‘judgements’ on others? Where have they got this insight into everything from?

The answer to the first question is “No one” and the second one is “Nowhere”.

Coming to conclusions too quickly and making up our mind about something or someone is not always right. Take another instance: a kid walks into the school wearing the most elegant clothes, an expensive watch and designer sneakers. He is a new admission and he keeps to himself and doesn’t talk much. We might say that the kid is arrogant and full of pride whereas in reality the child is feeling nervous and shy in a new environment. And he may not be proud of his clothes and things but could actually be embarrassed because he hasn’t yet got the school uniform and is feeling very out of place around others who are all in uniform.

So being too quick to pass judgement on the personality of the new boy is not right, but it is something we all tend to do, though we shouldn’t.

To avoid this, we need to first meet, talk and get to know someone before we start to develop an opinion about them and be in a position to ‘judge’ them. I’m not saying that it’s okay for us to judge the people we know, e.g. our friends, but not the people we don’t know. What I’m trying to say is that if we know someone personally, we know why they do what they do, so we wouldn’t feel the urge to judge them and ‘to judge’ here means ‘to criticise’.

So, can we judge other people?

Yes, we can. But the thing is that we can do many things that we actually don’t do, e.g. stealing, vandalising or fighting. This is because we know that it’s not right to go around fighting with people or robbing them. Besides, such activities won’t go unpunished!

So even though we can judge, it doesn’t mean that we should judge all the time or in all situations. And we should also be generous enough to change our opinions, or ‘judgements’ about others when we get to know a different aspect of that person that makes us realise we were wrong about them.

Some of you might argue: isn’t passing judgements or comments our fundamental right. Is it?

Yes, in a way it is, but so are so many other things. We have to include, in our discussion, ethics and morals which are definitely going to lead us to philosophy. According to philosophy, ethics teach us what we should do whereas morals are what we feel like doing. We somehow justify our actions, every single action including judging others. If we don’t justify ourselves, we feel guilty. If we do something which we know is wrong, we try to justify our act by all the means. Otherwise, conflict will arise in our mind and we’ll crumble mentally.

Though we are free to judge others, we shouldn’t because it can cause them distress. How would you feel if you were in their place and they were judging you?

We have been indulging in this activity of passing judgements for so long that we now have become used to this. Yes, this is one reason we judge. Besides, when we are young we see people around us (which is, our elders) passing judgement freely about others all the time. For example, you might have heard your mum saying when you were a kid, “So and so is very arrogant” or “That woman seemed so selfish and mean.” This leads us to think that passing judgement is normal and not a wrong act.

So let’s move on to another question: How do we decide if something is right? Who has the ultimate power to decide such things?

Well, in most cases it’s the law, judiciary and legal acts that have the ultimate say in most of the matters. But what about the more abstract aspects in our personal lives that result in passing judgement against others?

I think we all have our own rights and wrongs which can vary greatly from what other people consider right or wrong. The debate of what is right and what is not is certainly not going anywhere, no matter how much we discuss it. So let’s leave it to the philosophers! Nietzsche once said in this regard, “You have your way, I have my way. As for the correct way, the only way, it doesn’t exist.” n

Tips to stop judging people!

Think about others feelings

It is easy to criticise someone, pass comments or make judgements without even realising how hurt others would be if they hear you say that. Just put yourself in the same place and think how you would have felt in the same situation.

Why stereotypical

If you don’t know or hardly know someone, avoid stereotypical judgement because it is purposeless and most of the time it is inaccurate. So the next time when you see someone on the road or on television and begin judging them, turn your judgement into a positive one, say something nice about them.

Envy

Sometimes you don’t realise your feelings of envy for others. So you try to find fault by judging them negatively. This is likely when you are feeling down or have had some kind of bad luck. Instead of envying, you should realise that inspiration is more effective for motivation than competition. You are more likely to succeed if you are inspired by someone’s victories rather than find faults in them.

Observe, understand and accept

Remember, no one is perfect, including you! People around you may have come from different backgrounds so the way they talk or behave is what they think is right, just like you think your behaviour or manners are right. When you understand others, try to accept them as they are, without wanting to change them, just the way others (your friends and family) have accepted you the way you are.

So be compassionate and don’t be judgemental in the process. You’ll notice that with a little change in your outlook and behaviour, you have built strong relationships with so many people around you.