Office environments are, despite an attempt at imposing cheerfulness by putting a few posters on the walls, notoriously characterless spaces where there usually is a serious lack of windows with anything remotely resembling a view. Those who have to tolerate such drab working conditions are, unsurprisingly, prone to periods of introspection or downright depression.

Some office proprietors / managers have done their level best to transform unattractive working places into spaces where employees can, to one degree or another, feel comfortably at home by having walls painted in bright hues, or by adding a scatter of art work of some kind. Depending on the type of office and the ever important budget, some may even have installed a coffee / soft drink machine with paid for snacks.

A few opt for transforming the office atmosphere by introducing a range of weird and wonderful plants of the guaranteed non-allergic, non-attention seeking kind.

Dull and drab office rooms? Potted plants are the answer...but not just any old potted plants.

The plants I’m referring to here are far from being the somewhat fussy, often temperamental kind given out on rent — these being changed around and generally cared for is an essential part of the rental contract — but an incredibly neglect-tolerant range of plants generally referred to as ‘Succulents’.

Succulents — and there are literally hundreds of different ones for sale in nurseries across the country — are rather peculiar plants. Many of them originating in the wilds of Southern Africa, have characteristic, thick, fleshy leaves in a wide variety of colours such as creams, greens, pinks, blues, reds and some so deep purple that they can almost be described as black.

Succulents do not have the often extremely nasty spines of ‘Cacti’ — these spines make cacti a ‘No’ for offices and other ‘public’ buildings — but do share very similar growing conditions: These basically being warm to decidedly hot and dry.

Perennial plants, growing year after year and multiplying via ‘babies’ formed around leaf edges, by sending up additional shoots/runners, or by cuttings/seed, succulents will happily withstand average office conditions, including variations in temperature caused by load-shedding when summer ACs or winter heating grinds to a halt.

They don’t mind being abandoned for weekends or holiday periods; will survive ‘reasonable’ periods of drought and they never ever repeat office gossip or pass judgment on the vagaries of the world they inhabit!

What they do need though, is the poorest, sandiest soil — and this too mixed with fine gravel to ensure maximum drainage — available but the sand must be river not sea sand as high salinity can kill some, not all, species of succulents; so it is best to play it safe.

They do enjoy a little sunshine now and then but the majority are perfectly happy with electric lighting and, unlike so many other species of recommended office plants, they do not mind the chill blast of air conditioners one bit.

The complicated watering and feeding regime, necessary for the survival of assorted indoor plants, does not apply to succulents. A very light watering — on the soil not on the plant — once a week during spring, summer and autumn and just once a month in winter, is enough and absolutely no feeding at all, plus, this is a great bonus, they are rarely, if ever, bothered by insect pests.

Succulents come in all shapes and sizes, some growing quite tall, others forming mounds and yet others opting to trail artistically over whatever happens to be convenient.

Here are just a few suggestions that are easily available, reasonably fast growing and with a built-in tolerance of just about everything except, that is, water.

Agaves and Aloes: From miniature to large with some of them sending up tall spires of white, cream, pink, yellow or vibrant red flowers.

Crassula arborescens: ‘Silver Jade plant’, is distinctly weird and can, in optimum conditions, grow very tall.

Ceropegia linearis: ‘Mother of thousands’, a trailing succulent which is permanently having ‘babies’.

Crassula perfoliata: ‘Airplane propeller’, up to three feet tall and speaks for itself.

Aeonium: From six inches to six feet tall in a variety of forms and colours with interesting variegations on a theme.

Cotyledon orbiculata: Small and resembles sea-weed.

Lithops: Very small and often look like pebbles. Some do flower.

Echeveria secunda: Forms clumps.

Pachyphytun oviferum: Moonstones.

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, January 18th, 2015

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