ISLAMABAD: After the Pakistan censor board banned Bollywood megastar Saif Ali Khan’s movies subsequent to his comments about losing his faith in Pakistan, the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA) has vowed to take measures to ensure that all Pakistanis similarly lose faith in Saif.

To be more specific, efforts are underway to ensure that all traces of Saif are removed from the internet and mainstream media in the country.

“He will now, in essence, become a phantom,” a source privy to the PTA decision told this scribe.

“Already there is a movement from the public itself to ban commercials that have him as the star. So it’s not something that people will mind us doing,” the source added.

The new efforts will include ensuring that in addition to Saif never making it to Pakistani cinemas and television screens, websites that mention or feature the actor will also be blocked in Pakistan.

“This shouldn’t be a problem. If we can take down all of YouTube, Saif is small fry in comparison,” the source said. It is hoped that by the time the drive is complete, most people will forget that Saif Ali Khan ever made movies.

“We are only worried about what will happen when he does a movie with another big star. For example, if he’s doing a collaboration with Shah Rukh Khan, how are we supposed to block that? There may be riots in Pakistan, everyone knows how much Shah Rukh Khan is loved,” the source said.

“Heck, even Hafiz Saeed himself loves the man… you know?” he added.

It seems that if the plan is executed in the manner that is required then the next generation may grow up having no inkling of who Saif is.

“He will become a mythical creature… no one will have proof or faith in his existence. Like an imaginary friend, if you will,” the source informed.

“But to be honest, his movies are so terribly boring I don’t see anyone bothering to spend that much time making up stories about him existing in the next few years. This will be easy peasy for us,” he said.

Shaan welcomes patriotic ban

Meanwhile veteran actor Shaan Shahid has lauded the PTA’s move, and has wholeheartedly endorsed it.

“The PTA, like myself, always calls out traitors and bans accordingly. If I were a regulating body, I’d want to be the PTA because I like to ban stuff,” Shaan said.

“I can also tell you that I’d be making a movie on the PTA soon, where I’d be starring as the PTA myself.”

NOTE: Before celebrating the ban on Saif Ali Khan, please keep in mind that this is satire.