What do a funeral and a wedding have in common nowadays? Other than bawdy jokes, the fact that most attendees prefer to while away the time on their mobile phones rather than show any interest in the proceedings around them.

It is now a common occurrence to constantly check emails, text messages, Whatsapp / Viber alerts and Facebook updates in social settings so much so that a new word “phubbing” has been coined which means ignoring someone in the same room and preferring to focus on the mobile phone instead. People seem to have mastered the art of chatting and texting but lost the ability to converse or listen to their near and dear ones.

While phubbing or phone-snubbing can cause a strain on any relationship, I feel the biggest casualty of this phenomenon is the quality of parent-child relationship.

Are you phone snubbing your children in the crucial years when they need you?

Parents no longer have the time to sit with their children and engage them in educational activities. Whether it is colouring, doing jigsaw puzzles or storytelling, we hand gadgets to our children so that they work as nannies while parents can pursue their own online activities in peace. This is causing children to be emotionally detached from the parents, siblings and grandparents.

Children who are not “lucky” enough to have their own tablets then resort to tantrums to vie for their parents’ attention. Children are fast learners and a child craving attention will soon learn that the only way to get his parents’ attention is by behaving badly or dangerously.

If you feel you have been phubbing your children, here are a few tips to remedy the situation:

Give undivided attention: If your children come to you with a problem or for a discussion, this is definitely not the best time to check emails, Whatsapp messages or trends in the stock exchange market. Clear all matters from the mind and put aside your gadgets so that you give them your full and undivided attention.

Observe your child as he speaks: If you ask your child how his day at school was, you will probably get a monosyllabic “fine” but if you carefully observe him, you might see things he is not communicating with words. His body language, eye movements, facial expressions, gestures and posture can tell you a lot of things that you might miss if you are glued to your Smartphone. Listening to the children is much more than just using the ears to hear the words. Listening means giving them undivided attention and that should involve our ears, eyes, mind and even our heart.

Don’t rush the conversation: Sometimes we are in a hurry to get back to our online activities and get impatient with a long story that the child may be telling. This is very bad for the child’s self confidence and can seriously harm his personality. While talking to the children, it is important to show that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Use gestures to show that you are listening intently. Nod your head; ask questions, smile or frown to show empathy. Try to maintain eye contact. Concentrate on the words and do not let your attention wander. To ensure that you are getting the drift, summarise the situation periodically with words like, “Let’s see if I got this right,” or “So what you are saying is...”

Have gadget free meals: Easier said than done but try to eat meals with your smartphones far away from dinner table or switch them off. Discuss your day, ask about each other’s activities and listen to each other. The onus is on the parents to set a good example otherwise they cannot scold the teenagers on their excessive use of phones.

Go on a digital diet: If you are taking your children to a restaurant, park, zoo or an outing, take away time from your smartphone to talk, laugh, joke and play with them. Many people think it is unimportant to interact with children as the sights, rides and food will occupy them but the truth is that children need their parents to be present not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.

The world of high-tech gadgets and internet is very seductive and raising children can seem a very tedious and stressful chore in contrast but we need to remember that these hectic and demanding days will pass very quickly. Our children will grow up and no longer bring bits of papers with drawings of butterflies and clouds to us for our approval or snuggle and hug us with their chocolate laden fingers. Let’s not phub their presence at this crucial phase of their lives!

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, February 14th, 2016