Photo: OBP
New Delhi: The government of Prime Minister Narendra Modi has asked the Indian cricket board, the BCCI, to select at least two cows in the country’s cricket team.
A government spokesperson Anu Kintan Karnik Lal Taneja (aka Bob) said that since cricket was India’s most popular sport, the quota system will first be implemented in cricket and then extended to other sports.
It is believed that since India has a Hindu majority, the selected cows will be included at the expense of Muslim players in the team.
"All (cow) selections will be made on merit," Taneja explained. "Cows play their best cricket with those who don’t eat them. Thus, it is likely they will replace Muslims in the team," he added.
The BCCI has set up a training and trial camp in Uttar Pradesh (UP) for the cows so that they could be selected to play for India in the forthcoming Champions Trophy in England.
The government has appreciated the initiative. It has advised the Muslim players to take up yoga and reflect on the number of promising fast and spin bowling cows and talented 'batscows' they might have eaten.
Meanwhile, the cricket team’s chief selector Venkatana Rasimha Rajuvaripe Dharampal Rao (aka Jim) told reporters that the selected cows are expected to perform well in England due to grassy grounds there.
Hailing Rao’s assessment, Minister of Sports Kodhanda Pattabi Sundar Sita Ram (aka Tim) said, "Yum."
Talking to media personnel at the site of the training camp, Rao explained, "Cricket was first invented by cows in ancient India millions of years ago … along with football, hockey, baseball, basketball and nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners."
Hailing Rao’s assessment, the Minister of Sports said, "Yo, mama!"
India is currently the number one-ranked Test side in the world. A statement issued by the BCCI stated that the board believes the addition of cows in the side is likely to make India the number one-ranked Test side in the whole Milky Way galaxy. The statement then cautiously added: "Pun not intended".
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