Living a good life is not about getting good grades, playing and watching television. It requires being able to handle all the challenges and uncertainties that life throws at us; and also work on the personal attributes that help one in becoming a confident, social, happy and successful young person overall.

As you grow up, you need to aim for a good life, and, in the process, become better in every way. Here is your complete guide to achieving this aim.

Be honest to yourself

“Don’t kid yourself. Be honest with yourself. Take your own inventory.”

— Jack Canfield.

The greatest harm that you can do to yourself is to lie to or deceive yourself. Accept all the realities of life with an open heart. If you mess up, then admit, to yourself at least, how and why you were wrong.

The set of beliefs that you acquire as you grow up is important. You base your decisions and actions on the beliefs you have. Any belief that is not based on realities is like a mental virus that can lead to wrong actions and decisions.

So open up your mind and see things the way they actually are, and not the way you want them to be.

Find your passion

Happiness lies in doing things you like doing. Working hard in the field of your choice would not seem hard work at all as you would do it with all your interest. Do not let pressures and outside influences define the way you are and change what you really want to do in life. Go all out for what you want and work hard — really hard.

You can only get what you want if you deserve it, and you will only deserve it after working hard.

In an era of technological advancement, it is not really hard to find resources and markets for what you want in life. The important thing is to make the right choices at the right time. Unfortunately, we have come to acquire wrong ideas about success. The success that comes at the cost of happiness is not worth it. Find a balance based on what you really want in life.

Leave your comfort zone

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do.” — Robert Harold Schuller Life is also about facing hard times. You need to be prepared for that. Doing things you are not comfortable with and doing them with a smile would make you flexible. If you stand your ground and refuse to break down in a tough situation, then this will make you stronger.

It is a good practical activity to deliberately engage in things you are not comfortable doing. If you have the fear of heights, or do not like exercise and strenuous sports or other things like that, then you should attempt that to get over your dislike or fear of those things.

Be polite and humble

Ever looked at a fruit bearing tree or plant? Only those branches are bent which have fruit attached to it. Learn to bend and refuse to be driven by your ego.

Be polite and show good manners to everyone. True greatness lies in adopting a humble behaviour. Having said that, do not let anyone walk all over you. Be humble, but not at the expense of your self-respect.

Also remember that ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’ are great words. When said, they diffuse hard situations and open doors for you.

Learn all the time

Failure or success are a part of life. You might get lucky and win without deserving your win; or work really hard and still end up losing. At your age, winning should not matter all that much as should learning from the experience.

Be your own critic and reflect on what you could have done to get better results and avoid the mistakes you made.

Adjust to change

The saying goes as “Change with time unless you are big enough to change the time.” Not everything we do in life goes according to plan. Things do fall apart sooner or later. It is important to learn to adjust to things and doing what the situation demands. Change your attitude, personality and behaviour, if it is required for a positive set of outcomes.

To build on this point, the only thing fixed about life is that it keeps on changing. Only those people are able to live properly who are flexible enough to embrace the change and adjust to it.

“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails”. — Elizabeth Edwards

Ask questions, avoid blind belief

“Don’t believe what you see or hear… don’t judge until you know it first. I think people need to stop digesting the superficial stuff they’re fed and really analyse what they’re hearing…..” — Timothy McVeigh.

Not everything you get to hear is true. It is important to get to the root of the matter. If you have any questions about anything you learn in class, any advice you get from elders or anything seemingly true to you, then feel free to ask questions about that. In a matter which is vitally important, always look and ask for evidence before reaching conclusions or forming opinions.

One of the best things is to see matters from a ‘neutral’ point of view. This helps in accepting realities the way they are and removes the chance of them being unconsciously concocted to suit our personal liking.

Save money and spend it wisely

The saving habit is a very important habit. It ensures availability of funds for rainy days. Majority of people save whatever is left after meeting the expenditures they think are necessary. It would help if you resolve to save a fixed amount on monthly basis; and then go about spending the amount left over after setting aside the amount to be saved.

When you do spend, focus on value for money. And of course spending on important things should take precedence over spending on unnecessary things.

Learn problem solving skills

You are strong enough to handle situations. So stop worrying about things. Seek advice from people you can trust but do not look for support. Often, things are not as difficult as they seem to be. It is just a matter of finding the right solution.

In the same way, do not go around trying to find happiness in people around you. Learn to be happy on your own by realising that happiness comes from what is inside of you; rather than from people and things around you.

Be physically and mentally healthy

This is among the top priorities. If you are not healthy, then you would not find the energy or the continuity to do anything. But if your health is very good, then you are able to stretch yourself and do extended work whenever it is needed. Your health and energy is a valuable resource for you and you should work on it continuously.

Inculcate tolerance

Learn to tolerate people. Tolerance makes you patient, stronger and wiser. If you react to unimportant or useless things, then you would waste your energy and resources. Preserve your energy and resources, and focus on things that are really important in your life.

As the saying goes, “The dogs bark, but the caravan goes on,” so if you are inching closer to your positive goals with clear intentions; then refuse to be distracted by criticism that comes in the course of what you are doing.

Growing up is not easy for everyone, but if you follow the right advice and make the right decisions, then everything would work out for you.

Emotional intelligence: a critical determinant of success

We are part of a society in which academic grades are considered the prime determinant of success. But academic high-achievers who lack emotional attributes and social intelligence do not achieve much in their chosen field or career. Whatever the field, any person unrefined in dealing with colleagues, authorities or customers would end up antagonising them; or would become guilty of professional misconduct sooner or later.

There are organisational rules in any job-related environment and work-related norms for the self-employed people. Such rules and norms are both explicit and implicit in nature. Any person cannot confirm to all those rules and/or norms unless he is emotionally stable and socially refined.

In one’s practical life, one needs skills such as leadership, empathy, teamwork, discipline, patience, politeness, good manners, pleasant personality, etc. in order to succeed. Relying solely on good grades at the expense of these vital social and emotional skills would render anyone unsuccessful.

So how to go about improving your emotional intelligence? For that, you need to socialise and improve your social skills. You also need to be aware of all of your emotions and be able to control them. Developing motivation to succeed in your chosen field/profession and exercising empathy with people around you are also necessary in this regard.

In this age of advanced communications and widely available knowledge/information sources, people prefer to work with or hire emotionally intelligent people. Hence, emotional intelligence has gained considerable importance. You would do well to recognise the need of the hour and work hard on your emotional intelligence.

Published in Dawn, Young World August 5th, 2017