From ‘reactive’ to ‘proactive’
Sarah and Maria study in the same class. Two days ago, they gave a science test. When they get the result, Sarah has a big red ‘D’ on her paper. She is shocked. She simply can’t believe it. She had worked so hard for this test; she definitely deserved a better grade.
This is so unfair, she thinks. It is the teacher’s fault. Firstly, she made a tough paper that had questions out of the syllabus. Secondly, she failed Sarah because she never liked her. It is all because of the teacher, not Sarah. The more Sarah blames the teacher, the angrier she becomes.
When Maria gets the paper, the big red ‘D’ glares at her. She is disappointed because she had studied really hard for this test. What went wrong then? Where did she make mistakes? She scans the paper and realises she hadn’t studied some topics properly. Next time, she would give extra time to them. She decides to discuss her paper with her teacher and see how she can improve.
disappointed because she had studied really hard for this test. What went wrong then? Where did she make mistakes? She scans the paper and realises she hadn’t studied some topics properly. Next time, she would give extra time to them, she thinks. She decides to discuss her paper with her teacher and see how she can improve.
Both Sarah and Maria are in the same situation. They have the same teacher, gave the same test and got the same result. Where is the difference? It is in the way they respond to the situation. Sarah took all the blame off herself and put it on the teacher. She lost all control and surrendered to the situation. She chose the easier way. She is the ‘reactive’ type.
What did Maria do? Quite the opposite. She immediately took control of the situation and looked for shortcomings on her part. Instead of blaming the teacher, while whining and ruining her mood for the rest of the day, she took responsibility for her own performance, even though it was a tougher choice. Maria is the ‘proactive’ type.
Which of the two girls do you think would perform better in the next test? My guess is Maria, because it is the proactive people who get better results with time, not the reactive ones (most of the times).
How do you respond to things most of the time? Many have these responses: “My teacher is always after me”; “My brother keeps ruining my day”; “Why does this always have to happen to me?”; “Why can’t she ever let me be happy?”; “I knew the answers but there was so little time” and “This is so unfair!”
Most of us like to be reactive. Why? Because being reactive is easy. It gives you a false sense of satisfaction and superiority. It means there is nothing more for you to do because you have already shoved everything off your shoulders. It makes you feel safe.
Proactive people deal with things in a different way. It’s not that they are born with superpowers or extraordinary qualities, they are human beings too. But they have better things to do than let someone ruin their day. Given the same situation as everybody else, they don’t blame others, whine or complain, instead they look out for what they can do about the situation because they feel responsible for their own lives.
They do not think anybody else is responsible for what happens to them. They do not just sit there and wait for things to happen; they take action. They do not respond based on temporary feelings or emotions, rather they think before they act. It is how they choose to see the situation and respond to it that makes them different.
Wait a second, you might think ‘Does that mean I am not allowed to feel angry or sad, and just act like an emotionless robot?’
Of course not. You are allowed to feel everything because you are a human being. It’s just about not letting those feelings take control of you, but rather you take control of them. Instead of saying, “I had a row with my friend because I couldn’t help being angry,” see how you can control your anger.
When acting on the basis of our feelings, we often say or do things we later regret. The truth is, it is very easy to act like a victim, blame others, get angry and complain. Every other person does this. Every other person thinks life is unfair only to them, people do wrong only to them, bad things happen only to them.