With so much written on personality types, about introverts and extroverts, chances are, most of us do have an idea of the kind of people we are. Those who are extroverts have a comparatively easier ride as they get along with most people and in most circumstances, but the ones who are shy, or who are generally referred to as introverts, can find most situations tense.
If you are an introvert, you are also likely to be asked these kinds of questions: “Why are you so quiet?” “Why are you so shy?” “What did you just say? I can’t hear you.” “Can you be a little louder?”
No matter which social setting such people are in — be it classrooms, groups or get-togethers — they get asked at least one of the questions above. And almost always, they have no idea how to respond without feeling uncomfortable. Sometimes they wish they weren’t an introvert so that they didn’t have to deal with such awkward situations every day and everywhere.
I get it. That’s what it is like for all of us in the introvert community. It seems that the world is designed for extroverts, the loud people, the energetic ones and the ones who are not our type. And because it is not designed to accommodate us, we have a hard time fitting in the crowd and making our voices heard in every social situation, ranging from the classroom to the podium.
I remember when I was in school and the teacher would ask a question, I would raise my hand to answer but almost always got ignored while the extroverted kids in class would say aloud anything that came into their minds and get acknowledged. Every time this happened, I would start to worry because I really wanted marks for class participation, but couldn’t figure out how I ever would.
Even in groups, the amazing ideas introverts have inside their heads never find a way out. This is one reason why they love writing, because that is where they can freely express themselves.
But do all things happen sitting at home with your thoughts, pen and paper? I wish this was the case, but, sadly, it’s not. Every single day, you have to face a lot of social situations the moment you step outside of your room. For most us, the greatest socialising happens in schools.
Since it’s clear that one can never completely avoid socialising, the next big question is, how do you socialise as an introvert?
But first of all, who exactly is a social introvert? A social introvert is simply someone who isn’t ashamed about being an introvert. He speaks up when necessary, stands up for his own self, instead of waiting around, connects with people he finds valuable and creeps back into his shell when he’s had enough of the external world.
I have a few tips that can actually help you become one. I learned some of them from Susan Cain, author of the best-selling book Quiet. This is what Cain says about social introverts:
“Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love or anything they highly value.”
Remove the ‘introvert’ label
I know, it sounds odd but this is really important. Most of us put the introvert label on ourselves which makes us think we ‘cannot’ socialise. We start to believe that introverts are supposed to talk less and stay quiet. They cannot talk too much or confidently express themselves because those are extrovert-specific traits. This label stops us from giving our best and taking advantage of our unique strengths.
Introverts didn’t come in this world with a set of rules to live by, the same way as extroverts didn’t. They can talk whenever they want and be as loud as they please. If a person is an introvert, it does not mean they are supposed to act in a certain way. They should feel free to express themselves in any way they feel comfortable.