Hello Modi ji,

This is Yeti ji. Or as so many people unkindly call me, ‘the abominable snowman.’ That is such an indescribably rude way to refer to one of the great mysteries of the world! Imagine if someone were to refer to you as ‘the abominable showman’! How would it make you feel? That’s why I was so touched when I read a tweet by one of your party leaders, one Chowkidar Tarun Vijay, who said:

Congratulations, we are always proud of you. Salutes to the #IndianArmy Mountain Expedition Team. But please, you are Indian, don’t call Yeti as beast. Show respect for them. If you say he is a ‘snowman’.

As I read this, a smile crept across my hairy face and a tear formed under my eye and then quickly froze into ice. It’s very cold up here at Makalu Barun National Park. But the love and respect shown to me by Chowkidar Tarun Vijay warmed the cockles of my heart and filled my soul with joy. This is probably the first time a mythical creature like me has been shown such respect and courtesy. I thumped my chest and let out a long bellow of delight and then danced around in the snow, thrilled to finally feel some love at last. I also left some more footprints for your soldiers to find. If I ever meet Chowkidar Tarun Vijay, I promise I will give him a great big hug and dance around with him in the snow as well!

Modi ji, the reason I am writing to you is because I feel you of all people will understand me. Because like me, you too are a bit of a myth. We are both mythical creatures. Many stories have been spun around you, just like they have been spun around me. Tales about me inspire awe, wonderment, fear, and sadly, even terror. Tales about you, I’ve heard, also do the same.

Mothers up in the Himalayan villages invoke me often when they have to scare their children into submission. “Eat your food or the Yeti will come and eat you!” Or “Close your eyes and go to sleep or the yeti will come and get you!” Or “Don’t wander into the woods! The yeti is just waiting to carry away little scamps like you!”

I believe your spokespeople, ministers, fans, supporters and bhakts also invoke you when they have to scare their countrymen and countrywomen into doing things they may not want to do. Is that true? Of course, the myths that have been spun around you far surpass any myths that have ever been spun around me. They are next level!

Take the myth of indispensability, for example. “If not Modi, then who?” Then there’s the myth of invulnerability. “Aayega toh Modi hee.” Then there‘s the myth of good governance, the myth that you are the country’s protector and chowkidar, and finally, the myth that your country has made huge strides of progress over the last few years. That last one has got even a simian, ape-like creature like me scratching my head!

Do people in your country actually believe that? Despite that notebandi stunt you pulled and unemployment being at an all time high? My mythmakers could have learned a thing or two from yours.

Speaking of mythmaking, that Bal Narendra comic, by the way, was a good attempt at mythologising your childhood. But I have to say it hasn’t quite done for you what Tintin in Tibet did for me. Herge got his geography wrong – I am in Nepal and not Tibet – but his rendition of me was a lot more fun and went on to garner readership over the generations which I don’t think Bal Narendra will ever do. Sorry!

I must say, though, that I threw my head back and guffawed when I read the bit about you taking a baby alligator away from its mother and then returning it to her. Obviously your fearlessness with amphibians hasn’t quite translated into fearlessness with press conferences. Ha! Ha! (Yeti make joke. Don’t mind, please.)

Anyhow, good chatting to you, Modi ji. The sun is about to set and I must clamber up the mountain to my nice, warm cave and settle in for the night. Unlike you, I need a good, long night’s sleep.

With affection,

Yeti ji

This article is categorised as satire.

This article originally appeared on TheWire.in and has been reproduced with permission.