Oh, it’s great to be back in the dust-polluted and politically confused Lahore. The clean, healthy air of academic Cambridge, by comparison, seems ‘pasteurised’. But it’s the food that pulls me back more than anything else.

This time, I decided to stay with an old Bhati Gate-days friend. The food at his place is to die for. Forget the impersonal DHA luxury that was available, I want to remain near real food. So we started off with a classic kulcha and creamy homemade yoghurt breakfast. With Sheero, my host, we discussed the perils of wood-pressed kulchas which original Lahorites feel kills the soul of the kulcha. My friend stood at the tandoor himself to get the assured quality. The first lot was rejected because the clumsy apprentice used his nails instead of his fingers. The third lot was great -- a traditional breakfast worth dying for.

The next morning, we were served with kulcha and homemade nihari. Oh, it was amazing! The third breakfast was kulcha and homemade hareesa; Sheero’s house is famous for this and he never disappoints. The remaining week has seen one breakfast after another with utterly amazing varieties of kulchas with channay or other simple, yet tasty dishes. The legends of the Lahori breakfast are built on some utterly classy dishes. There is definitely life beyond a slice of bread. In my next column I will dwell on yet another breakfast I had with a ‘beautiful’ family inside the old city.

SIMPLE DAAL AND HANDI: As I did the rounds of the posh eateries, a very special friend from my university days, now living in the land of Don Bradman, was in town and wanted a pure desi Lahori meal. To avoid driving far away in the crazy traffic that halts mobility instead of promoting it, I stuck to DHA and landed at Bundu Khan. Keeping it simple was the order of the commander in chief. So what could be simpler than Maash ki Daal and Achari Chicken Handi? Three types of hot crispy naans were ordered. Simple, plain dahi added to the taste. At the end we had coconut kheer and rounded up with green tea.

The daal was slightly, very slightly, wet and not the pure dry sort that makes this dish far superior to any meat or meal. Cooking good Maash ki Daal is an art. The taste was excellent. The Achari Handi had excellent masala but not the sharp taste we expected. The naans were exceptional and just crisp enough. So the main course was quite acceptable.

The sweet kheer was served in a foil-top coconut shell sprinkled with grated coconut. The taste of the kheer was just about average. At the end, it is the aftertaste that matters, not the presentation. So as the lunch progressed, the quality of the food was taking a dip. Lastly, the green tea was a pathetic cup with a tea bag. Gosh, these tea bags just cannot replace a proper green tea in a pot and added condiments.

Let me now mark this experience on a scale of one to nine, with nine being exceptional and one pathetic. For taste, a six will do, food quality six, presentation gets seven even though small paper napkins cannot replace a proper cloth napkin, crockery and cutlery get six (they need an upgrade), ambience deserves just five, quality of service again five (the waiter was virtually grappling for tip), parking facility gets six and the variety available gets a seven.

Mind you, I was in a liberal mood, for company matters. So these eight variables average out to six out of nine. This is a place with a very positive reputation. Its downward trajectory needs skillful and scientific management assistance. Will think twice before taking my best friend there again.

VIETNAMESE TEA: As I roamed the old city, I decided to buy high quality Kashmiri tea leaves. This was ordered by my dear friends in Cambridge’s famous AIIT research library for serving at ‘Elevenses’. My eating-out influence has polluted that famous university. The famous Sheikh Sadaqat, an old Kashmiri tea specialist outside Delhi Gate, has stopped selling it, as tea is now coming from Vietnam and not Kashmir, or even Nepal. So the dominating Afghan traders took over and specialise in Indonesian Kashmiri tea. They would sell tea from hell under any guise if it made profit. Makes me think!

Published in Dawn, November 27th, 2019