Have you noticed that you often come across people whom you take an instant liking to and others whom you instinctively dislike? The person may be a new teacher, a new student in your class or someone you meet randomly in a social gathering.

What are the personality traits which make some people magnetic and the others repulsive? This is a question you should often ask yourself and keenly observe the qualities which are the foundations of a well-liked person. The way you behave in company, the vocabulary you use, your general attitude and the company you keep are all components of your character.

It is true that some people are born with natural charisma, a charm which is God-gifted. These fortunate ones gain popularity without much effort and are always welcome among friends and family. It may be their good manners, sense of humour, smiling demeanour, compassion and respect for others, among other things, which make their personality attractive to others.

This does not mean that those of us who do not possess a natural appeal can never have likeable characteristics. We only need to know the fields we have to work on and adopt the traits which are the components of a likeable person. A strong will and honest efforts will always be helpful to add a particular charm to our personality.

Here are some tips which I think will be helpful to my young friends, to have a clear idea about the do’s and don’ts if you want to perk up your personality

Always be polite and considerate

Good manners are always endearing. Offering your seat to an elder, helping a haggard mother with small children in a supermarket, by offering to push their cart for them, or an act as simple as holding the door for a person who is entering a room or elevator just after you, will make your personality likeable in a moment.

In this fast-moving crazy world, where everyone wants to get ahead by pushing and shoving, show your character by behaving otherwise. Often I feel grateful when someone considering my age, vacates his chair for me in a crowded room, or in a queue someone ahead offers his place to me. Such simple ways of consideration will definitely make your personality outstanding.

Appreciate and praise the people around you

A kind word of praise for a sibling who has done well in his class test or an acknowledgement of appreciation to a friend who has helped you in studies will make you more likeable in their eyes. When you go to visit relatives, praising their home, décor, garden or even the refreshments they serve, will endear you to their hearts.

People with likeable personalities are quick to note goodness in others and also love to praise it. If you find something irritating or not according to your taste, just keep quiet instead of hurting someone’s feelings by talking about it.

Always keep a smiling demeanour

All of us have problems in life, either big or small. There are times when we are stuck in an uncomfortable situation or company. By keeping your smile intact, you can easily steer away from these circumstances. A sulk or scowl will never help you in difficult times, nor will it add to the charm of your personality.

A smile acts like a magnet. Even if a stranger smiles at you, you feel attracted towards the person and smile back instinctively. A beaming face adds beauty to your personality.

Be compassionate and kind

Compassion always adds charm to our personality and kindness is like the icing on the cake. When you are sympathetic to the problems of your family members, school mates and peers, they are bound to be attracted towards you just like iron is attracted towards a magnet.

Even if you do not have a solution to their woes, a pat on the shoulder, holding a hand supportively or a few kind words, can often work wonders to boost someone’s feelings or mood.

Be a good listener

Most of us like to speak more than we like to listen. Always be ready to listen quietly when someone is sharing his woes, and give your advice only if it is asked for. Often, unwinding ourselves in front of someone who cares to listen becomes a major part of solving a difficult situation. People usually like to share their problems with those who listen with compassion and without interrupting.

To enhance your personality in a positive manner, always try to be a good listener.

Avoid unnecessary arguments

Often I meet people who love to argue and disagree with everyone around them and on every topic in the world. At times, to prove their point, they give references without any authentic sources and try to drown the voices of all those who oppose their views or disagree with them. I always like to stay miles away from such persons.

Always be polite in an argument or discussion, and never scoff at anyone’s views. People who have a well-balanced and polished personality always chose to avoid any such confrontations. Take part in a discussion only when you know your facts right, or else listen quietly to add to your knowledge.

Instead of being trapped into a disagreeable situation, prefer to change the topic if a debate tends to turn sour.

Humility is an endearing quality

The All-Mighty, in His infinite wisdom, has gifted all of us with different qualities. Some of you may be very intelligent, while others may have extremely good looks. Some of you may be good at sports, while others may have a streak for arts and crafts. Never let your strong points make you proud or haughty.

Those who put on airs due to their abilities, or their favourable circumstances, usually have a weak or insecure personality. Always be humble and down to earth and try to help those around you who are not as blessed or gifted as you are.

Be responsible

Try to accept responsibilities and make it a challenge to fulfil them. Whether you promise a grandparent to run an errand for them, offer to your mum to look after your baby sibling when she has to go out, clean your dad’s car on weekends or take turns at cleaning the classroom after school, always be sure to do what you have pledged. Delaying a task without any valid reason will give the impression that you are not a reliable person.

Small acts today will become your habits tomorrow, so to polish your personality always be true to your word.

Be positive

A positive person radiates good vibes and people usually feel comfortable in his company. Looking at the bright side of everything makes solving problems easier. If you are always positive, friends and family will ask for your opinion when they face a problem.

We all want to stay away from negative people because they take no time to paint a gloomy picture of every situation. To develop a strong personality, always think positive and speak positive. Learn to turn adversities of life in your favour.

Cheer up people stuck in difficult circumstances and keep on reminding them that there is always light at the end of the darkest tunnel. When they get over the hard times, they will always remember you fondly.

Avoid needless criticism

There are some people who just like to criticise others. They will disapprove of your school, your grades, the clothes you wear, the way you talk and at times even your friends. Always be on guard from such a bad habit.

If you are not comfortable with someone, stay away from him. If this is not possible, talk to him about what disturbs you in a polite manner and in an appropriate situation. Be careful to choose words which will not hurt his ego or self respect.

Avoid unnecessary complaints

Nobody likes a whining person. There are people who will complain about the weather, a minor illness, their job, or anything/everything which goes against their wishes. We must learn to compromise with situations which we come across in life and cannot change.

A flexible person who adapts himself to circumstances and people around him, whether he is comfortable with them or not, is always welcomed in all circles. His adaptability adds to the charm of his personality and makes him popular in all age groups.

Never gossip

It has become a common social norm that when a few of us meet up, we talk negatively of the person who is not present. This is not a quality of a person with a good character. Even if we know the weaknesses of a friend or relative, we should not discuss them with others, as this useless discussion will do neither of you any good. People usually are wary of those who gossip about others, as they fear they may be the object of this negative talk when they are not around.

To enhance your personality, always overcome the urge to gossip as this habit gives out a very bad impression.

Be quick to forgive and forget

This is perhaps the most daunting task for most people, but a very important quality of a strong personality. If someone treats you ill, or hurts you, you only upset yourself more by hovering on that damage. Holding grudges will make you irritable and moody.

The best way to get over negative feelings is to find means to keep yourself busy. This will help you to forget about the hurt and move on in life. Always remember that bad experiences can either break you or make you. Your quality to forgive and forget will make you an admirable person for all.

There are numerous ways to perk your personality and preferences may vary from person to person. I have tried to list down a few traits that, in my opinion, are components of a strong personality. A quote from self-help writer Edmond Mbiaka, puts my musings in a nutshell, “There is nothing more attractive than a great positive personality. Its beauty never fades away with time.”

Published in Dawn, Young World, December 7th, 2019