Some people take no time to judge others and draw conclusions about them. Without knowing or understanding the entire situation, people have the habit of guessing situations about other people.

Situations may have nothing to do with what a person really is. Situations are just actions either inspired by emotions or rebellious thoughts without involving intention.

Sometimes people do certain acts that may trigger other people to form a permanent conclusion about them. For this reason, the person will not be then seen as who he really is or what he can be, but will be seen in the context of what he did, making the situation bigger than the person.

For instance, if you are hurt by someone’s behaviour, you might dislike him/her and may never talk with the person. It’s because you hold the situation in your memories for as long as you remember and anytime you come into contact with this person, your mind automatically tells you through an emotional signal what the person had done to you. The person might have not intended to do it, but you think it has been done to you and that the person is not sorry for what happened. Your ego doesn’t seem to be forgetful or forgiving.

Your mind doesn’t let you choose to forgive because it is constantly watering the hurtful thought in your mind by reminding you of what the person has done to you.

As actor Kyle Cease says, “Nobody has ever broken your heart. They have only broken your expectations and by that, they got closer to your heart.”

In truth, nobody ever can break our hearts. Our hearts are unbreakable. What really get broken are our expectations. We have a mindset where we have a habit of expecting. If we see the hidden belief behind expectations then it would be: I want you to do what I want you to do. If you don’t do what I want you to do, then my heart is broken.

It’s silly to have this sort of belief buried deep down in our subconscious, which is the part of our mind that misguides us most of the time. We don’t welcome change and do not see change as important.

You have lots of chances to change and develop a growth mindset. Most people are caught up within their pleasure zone — be it friends, games or TV. The ego is you. Ego isn’t something like a monster in your head, it’s you. If you decide to not be egoistic, then you have to change your fixed mindset to the growth mindset. To live in a fixed mindset is to live in a prison serving prisoners which are your old beliefs, emotions and thoughts.

Fixed-minded people fear failure, fear to step out of their comfort zone, make very quick judgments and form permanent conclusions. They are keen to be popular and show people that they are smart and intelligent, etc.

But growth-minded people believe that failure is an opportunity and there are life-changing lessons in life. Growth-minded people believe in being themselves, and to not be afraid of what people think of them. They are not keen on showing people that they’re smart or intelligent, but they just focus on the task at hand.

Research shows that growth-minded people get what the fixed-minded people want. And fixed-minded people eventually get frustrated and give up. The reason why growth-minded people get what fixed-minded want is that growth-minded people believe in effort and commitment to work. While fixed-minded people pick up luck and magic for their goals and ambitions.

Most importantly, people who are successful have the growth mindset. At least, most of them do. Success has no collective definition. It has individual descriptions. Success is not what I think it is. Success is what you make out of it. For some success is being popular, for some, it’s being satisfied with being wherever you are and whoever you are.

Personally, for me it is being your true self and not pressuring yourself for the future, but maintaining effort and commitment in the present. Above all, I hope my readers will be encouraged to form a growth mindset. I recommend you to read Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck. She is a psychologist and gives amazing tips to form a growth mindset and abandon the fixed.

Published in Dawn, Young World, April 4th, 2020