It was raining heavily. That’s all what I remembered. I was waiting for someone; I don’t know for whom, under an old walnut tree where we used to play in childhood. A year ago when I visited that place, I noticed that it was no longer there. It had been cut down. Now, exactly a year after, I was there again: waiting. And the walnut tree had came back.

It was raining cats and dogs. The rainwater was all around. It was rising slowly until my ankles submerged in water. My feet were completely wet. My eyes couldn’t focus on the surroundings as they were also misty and wet. But I was waiting there. Uncertainly.

It was gloomy all around. The flood channel nearby as I could remember, was throwing the water away. There was no one walking around. No one standing in rain except me, all alone. Houses and tin sheds nearby were clouded with gloom. The muddy road was completely submerged in water. Only my feet could feel it underneath.

Why was I there at that place? Who had brought me there? Why was it raining heavily?

I was waiting till I saw a woman walking furiously down the muddy road. She was coming towards me. All alone, she was walking against heavy rain. With every minute, the water was rising from its level mark. When she was coming closer, my eyes focused and noticed that she was my mother.

My mother! She was without an umbrella. She was all wet. I became curious. I tried to press my feet against the water to walk, but I couldn’t move as if I was glued to my spot. But I saw my mother was coming closer towards me. I kept standing there and waited till she came.

Why was my mother there? For what purpose? Was it an end of the world? Or end of my life? Maybe, she was there to bid me farewell.

I was in my mother’s embrace. Maybe, she too wanted it. Her arms had grabbed me tightly as if she didn’t want to lose me. It was not a hug. It was more than an embrace. It was a world. A world of motherhood where no boundaries exist and where love evolves without language.

There was something unusual in the walnut tree that had made its appearance after many years. I didn’t remember when it had been cut till I noticed it one day. When rain water was all around, there was only one shelter: the walnut tree. It had made its presence all of the suddenly like a sad situation of life.

Were the rains uncertain or was it a deliberate act of God?

When my mother came closer enough that she could touch me, she grabbed me by her wet hands and hugged me. She hugged me against the rain and the winds. For a moment, I forgot where I was. It was a moment of ecstasy, a moment of serenity and delicacy. A moment where I could find shelter amidst this storm. I forgot the storm. I forgot the rain. I forgot the surroundings. I even forgot the walnut tree. Shortly, I forgot myself.

I didn’t inquired where she was or why she had been there. But I remained in her embrace like an infant who closes his eyes and tries to sleep in her mother’s lap. I, too, was an infant of the situation. I was standing alone in the storm. There was no one who could’ve heard me. I was lost. I was waiting helplessly there until she came and provided me a shelter under her arms. Though she too was without umbrella, she chose to protect me from the storm.

My body was curling like smoke. I forgot to look in her eyes. If I had looked in my mother’s eyes, it would had brought tears into my eyes. Unknowingly, it had brought tears. I felt them somewhere inside. They were welling up in my eyes. I didn’t let them fall with rest of the water around.

The surroundings had vanished too. The houses and tin sheds were no longer there. Anytime around, the water would rise and drown us. I didn’t know what to do.

I was in my mother’s embrace. As a grown up child, I loved to be there. I didn’t want to let go of her. Maybe, she too wanted it. Her arms had grabbed me tightly as if she didn’t want to lose me. It was not a hug. It was more than an embrace. It was a world. A world of motherhood where no boundaries exist and where love evolves without language. The only civilisation which has remained static. We can find shelter anytime, anywhere. A shelter amidst the storm. There is no hope for ‘hopelessness’ there.

Was it still raining? Had the walnut tree been standing there or had it already started its journey into the vanishing world like childhood?

It was all black around me. I couldn’t see anything. It terrified me. I struggled to move my arms and legs, crouched my head from somewhere and opened my eyes. I saw a ceiling fan revolving around its orbit. The florals texture around it making it look beautiful, despite the fact that it kills air with its blades.

I had sweat around my chest and forehead. There were tears in my eyes. I could hear some voices coming from the window; heard chirping of birds in the balcony. It was a lull after a dream.

In a moment I turned cold. It was a horrible dream. I had felt the wetness of rainwater, felt the shrillness of storm, felt the coldness, felt my mother’s embrace, felt her hands and touched her. I had seen the walnut tree, which was no longer there. I had even felt tears. I had felt every bit of it. I had felt everything, yet nothing.

I had felt a dream. A real dream.

Published in Dawn, Young World, May 2nd, 2020