It had always been my greatest ambition to represent my country. But now, standing on stage with 30 other fierce competitors, I began to believe that my chances of winning were very slim.

When I had walked in, I had been confident that I had the potential in me, I knew I was talented. But these other competitors with their pursed mouths and sharp, glaring eyes made me start to doubt my abilities.

Let me start at the beginning. The United Nations had introduced an essay writing competition for the youth of the world. Each country had to select a budding writer and they would be sent to the UN headquarters in New York for the final competition. But first, there were a series of internal competitions to go through. I had thankfully made it through the first one. I was representing Karachi.

Now, in this dimly lit stage in Islamabad, the winners from all the participating cities had to write five essays, which would be scrutinised and analysed by a panel of judges. The child whose essays would be the most liked would be the lucky one to represent Pakistan.

The auditorium was hot and reeked of sweat. The past six hours had been some of the most stressful hours of my life; working under time constraints when so much was at stake. And now, my five essays, just like the others, were being scrutinised by the judges.

They took too long. Everywhere I looked, I could see anxious faces. I felt my heart beating at a furious rate, thumping like there would be no tomorrow.

Then finally, the judges looked up.

“We have made the decision. All the essays were beautifully written, and we are sorry that we could not have picked all of you. You all are…” his gravelly voice droned on and on.

The only thing that stuck in my mind was ‘We have made the decision’. What decision had they made? A sick feeling in my stomach made me close my eyes, and suddenly I didn’t want to hear what they had decided. The tension in the room was almost tangible; it was so thick I felt one word from the judges, the result, could cut it like a knife.

I tried to stay calm, but his words were echoing in my head and my mind was filled only with images of me in New York, at the headquarters of the United Nations.

“And the winner is …” a sharp intake of breath, “Sidra Naseem, Multan!”

I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding, and turned to see the Multani representative smiling a million dollar smile. Whatever doubts I had felt during this round did not undermine the feeling I had had when I entered. I had been so sure of winning, confident that I would bring Pakistan glory. Representing my country was my dream, my ambition a I could not make it.

Then it hit me. Representing a country is not just about winning laurels at international competitions. It is about making Pakistan appear in a favourable light in every small action we do, presenting it in its true glory. And you do not have to win prizes for that. You can do it by behaving, by following the law, by acting in a civilised manner when abroad.

We all are representatives of our country at one level or the other, and by showing others the positive side of Pakistan, we can carry its name to new heights. And on that day, I vowed to do just that.

Published in Dawn, Young World, June 20th, 2020