Lying on my bed, I stare at my plain white ceiling. My mum sits beside me, with a pale face.

“Go to sleep and don’t worry,” my tired mother yawns as she speaks.

How do I just slumber like that? Especially with what is going to happen the next day. I already have so much on my mind. While one part is talking and panicking nonstop, other is trying to comfort me, being logical with these reassuring words, “It’s fine, Kulsoom, just don’t think about it.”

“How do I just forget it? I have left my dear school and my entire life behind for this new, bizarre learning institution that my mum apparently went to!” I argue with myself.

“If you aren’t going to sleep, then how are you going to rest and be fresh for tomorrow? You don’t want to look tired for what lies ahead, right?”

My anxious side could never win an argument with my intellectual mind.

“Fine, I’ll try to get some shut eye!’’ my worried mind finally gives in. I feel a burden on my shoulder, but still try to go to sleep. Soon I have dozed off, dreaming about the coming times.

“Rrriiinnnggg!”

I instantly jolt out of my bed. For some reason, I have had the most tranquil night of my life. I hit the alarm and it stops making such a racket in my room. I sprint to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Soon I taste something salty. I have brushed so hard that my mouth starts to bleed.

“Oh man!” I gargle with some water. I brush my teeth as if they were an old antique. “Is this a sign that today is going to be even worse than this?” I wonder.

After that I go to see if my brother is awake. I’m in his room, trying to search for him. I don’t see him anywhere. My brother’s name is Shah. I walk towards the dining table. My father and mother are sitting on the dining table.

I say a short “Hi” to them and dash back to my room.

There I change my clothes and brush my hair. After having done that, I advance towards the dining table to eat my breakfast. Shah soon joins us. In five minutes, my whole family is sitting on the dining table, chatting and eating. There is the smell of milk and fresh scrambled eggs.

My family is talking about school. My mind starts to set off an alarm. It is very annoying. I know they are talking about my new life, but I don’t want to hear about it. I try to drown their voices out, but I don’t want to be mean.

Whenever I don’t speak, I go into my thinking zone. In my mind there is currently a debate between my nervous side and my logical side. I just wish I never saw that movie about debates. Now my mind is debating with itself.

I make a mental note: Never ever watch a movie that has something to do with debates and write a letter of complaint to Netflix for putting that movie in my recommendations. Soon my mind stops debating with itself and, of course, the logical side has won.

Starting new schools has always been tough for me. I just want to get it done with and yet, I just want to skip it. I’m so complicated sometimes. I don’t understand myself at all. My mind has a mind of its own!

The reason I have been so stressed lately is because I have been thinking of how would I make new friends, how would I keep the old ones and would I even do well in studies in this place? Whenever I think about how I will make friends, the Girl Scout song called Make New Friends but Keep The Old keeps popping up in my mind. Oh, the miseries of starting over with a brand new clean slate!

“How are you feeling, Kulsoom?” my father asks, bringing me back to my surroundings.

“I’m great,” I say. I hate lying to my parents. At that moment I became an official liar. They keep on talking and soon I hear, “Pick up your bags and let’s go!”

I walk towards my room, thinking about what is going to happen in exactly 49 minutes and 15 seconds. I’m crazy like that. I had a blue flower themed backpack on my shoulder, which was extremely light. My dad says goodbye to all as we approach the light brown wooden door.

I soon exit my home and go towards my car. My mum and brother walk alongside me. I suddenly feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel as if my loved ones are holding the load with me. We enter the car and settle down.

There is awkward silence for the whole ride. I look at Shah and he looks as if he doesn’t care that much. But he does look as if he is a bit anxious. “How does he do that?” the question ponders in my mind.

We soon reach this odd looking place. I know this is where my new beginning starts. We walk into our new world. As soon as we get past the guards, everything is massive and so beautiful. I wish my old school was quarter as nice as this. We walk for a bit more and I see a playground.

“Wow! It really has changed,” my mum says. My mum tries to comfort me and my brother by talking about the differences between when she went to this institution. We all have a steady pace and soon reach a class. There is a patio outside the class. On the door of the classroom there are many posters on it.

This is where Shah begins his journey. My mum tells me to sit on the bench, which is near the patio. I do as she says. They go inside the class and are there for a couple of minutes. Then my mum walks out leaving my brother behind. It is now my turn.

The walk is very long. I try my best to be positive. I somehow keep thinking about how it is so cool that there is an American and British system of learning in my city. I was in a British school and now it is going to be so cool learning through the American way of studying. I see a basketball court and also what looks like a grassy field. We take a sharp left and I see a patio. We are outside a class. My mum opens the door handle and I see a class with some students. I feel an even bigger load on my shoulder as I stare at the class and they stare back at me. It is terrifying. My stomach starts to churn as if it is making butter out of cream.

“Hello,” a man says with an accent. “I’m your teacher and you are Kulsoom, right?”

“Yes,” I say, trying to look confident. He seems to be in his mid-sixties. He is wearing a sky blue, collared shirt with jeans. He leads me to my desk that has my name on it. I feel relaxed as soon as I see my name. Right next to my desk is another girl’s desk. She has short, brown hair, and I say, “Hi” to her.

She looks at me wide-eyed and then says a very soft “Hi”. At once I realise I am a part of my class and we are going to be like a team. I experience a sense of belonging. My family and I have made the right choice.

It is okay to be nervous, but it is not healthy to be tensed up all the time. We should all try our best to be positive and welcome changes with an open attitude.

Published in Dawn, Young World, October 10th, 2020