LAHORE: In a virtual session with the Lahore Literary Festival’s Eman Omer on Saturday, American author Rachel Yoder talked about her debut novel,Nightbitch, which she said was about a new mother who finds herself completely lost in motherhood, loses the essence of who she was before becoming a mother, is struggling to come up with a new identity that incorporates both motherhood and her own ambitions and dreams.

Released in July 2021, Ms Yoder said the cover of the novel was inspired by a vintage meat ad in the US from the 1950s. She then read a passage from the beginning of the book and explained it was personal in many ways -- about a new mother who thinks she’s turning into a dog at certain moments.

Born to devout Mennonites in a conservative community, the author admitted she was worried how the elders would respond to the book as motherhood was considered sacred, but she said the reaction she received was that the elder women could relate to it, as it brought their early motherhood days back. “It was fulfilling to know this from them.”

About her own experience of motherhood, Yoder said she wanted to be with her child all the time and it was agonising to go to work, so she ended up quitting work and stopped writing for two years. “Suddenly, I woke up one morning thinking where have I gone. I then started writing Nightbitch, as I had lost myself. Writing brought me back to my ambition.”

She later discusses a character in the book that is akin to an elder person the protagonist yearns for; the elder maternal voice of wisdom to provide comfort to her. “It came out of my own yearning in life to have someone knowledgeable share their knowledge and guide me about motherhood.”

She then talks about the protagonist’s husband’s role in the story, how he is also confined to the role assigned to him as she is, his neglect and cluelessness, and not being an active character but just a teacher for her so she could learn how to make her marriage work.

Yoder told the moderator it took her around four years to write the book. About reports of the book being adapted for a film, possibly starring actor Amy Adams, the author said she was excited to see how someone will interpret the story in a different medium.

At the end, she discussed the animal abuse part in the book which she claims she wrote and rewrote and was most uncertain about. “But I knew it had to happen to the character for her to go close to the edge to scare her so she would reconsider the wildness in her, how it could function without destroying her. If I had the chance, I would probably rewrite the bit to get it right,” Ms Yoder concluded.

Published in Dawn, May 1st, 2022