Fear may seem merely a word, but it is so powerful that it moulds us into what we are. Our fears define us — one learns to live with them or overcome them.

By just looking at a person, you might not be able to pinpoint their insecurities and fears at first, but when you observe them, you can easily tell what is beneath the surface. The steps they take, show where they come from. Fear also forces us to take decisions that we might not take otherwise.

As a young girl, my life started like a fairy tale. I just had to say it, and whatever I desired would just pop right up in front of me. I was the princess that everyone wanted to be like. I was told, “You can be whatever you want, and you are free to do whatever you want with your life.”

Who would not want to live in this perfect fairy tale? Unfortunately, perfection does not last forever, and forever is just a myth.

As the years went by, things started to change, and I developed the fear of offending my parents. In grade seven, I bagged the first position and that was when my parents made up their mind that I would be doing MBBS in the future.

My parents’ increasing expectations made me anxious to the point that my grades started declining. In the first year of intermediate, physics gave me severe depression. I failed my mid-term college exams — the first time I had ever failed in any exam! I was lucky enough to hide that result from my parents, but when the final exams came, I got an eye infection that made me more anxious and I went from scoring in the 90s to 70s. It was a big setback for both my parents and me.

As I stepped into the second year of college, the fear of not getting the highest percentage was at its peak. That year was a traumatic one. I lost all my self-confidence and became insecure. This made me fail again in the mid-term. But this time, I was not able to hide that disaster because my parents were called to the college.

I felt extremely ashamed of myself because that was the first time that something so embarrassing happened in my academic life. It naturally made me hate myself and the field MBBS even more. I started staying in my room most of the time, pretending that I was studying, while I was actually not. The results came out and my percentage decreased again.

Even after knowing that with such a low percentage, it was next to impossible to get an admission on merit, my parents made me appear in the entrance test. Their faith in me wouldn’t let me speak up for myself. Just for their sake, I managed to sit in that exam, but failed miserably.

That was the last straw and the exact moment when I faced the fear of coming clean to my parents. I told them that I cannot take this anymore and wanted to study something that I love. At first, my parents weren’t too pleased with the idea, and I felt uncomfortable that I had gone against their wishes, but deep down, I knew that it was right, and I was just being fair to myself.

After endless discussions and arguments, I was able to convince my parents to see things from my perspective. I was fortunate enough that my parents agreed. Now, it has been a year since our confrontation. I am content with my choice of speaking up for myself and my parents are also happy, seeing that I truly adore what I am doing.

My fear changed me for the better as it made me stronger. It gave me the will to fight. It gave me the power to stand up for myself and it also made me realise the power of communication. I used to think that my parents would never understand where I was coming from, which was why I never mustered up enough courage to make my point. But I’m glad that I finally did, and it turned out to be in my favour.

Published in Dawn, Young World, February 11th, 2023