Arwa had finally done it. She had gone to the seaside with her friends without her parents’ knowledge. And although her parents believed her friend had dropped her off after their group study session, she had a nagging feeling that they would find out.

As she tossed and turned in her bed, Arwa thought of the multiple ways the evening could have gone south. Someone could have followed her, or she could have gotten hurt her. Every stranger had looked suspicious to her, every vehicle that slowed down near them, making her feel threatened. She’d silently recited Ayat-ul-Kursi all the way to and from their destination, and kept a wary eye out.

Arwa wished she could be as carefree as those kids in American movies, who love sneaking out and seeking danger. But for the life of her, she couldn’t.

While she was at the seaside, there’d be moments when she would suddenly remember what she was doing and anxiety would creep up on her so she couldn’t even fully enjoy herself.

She could tell she was putting off her friends. At first, they consoled her and calmed her down, but then they started to get irritated and would shoot down her concerns with a snarky remark.

Arwa had always prided herself in never being peer pressured to do anything she didn’t want to do, but this time her friends had been relentless in forcing her to come with them. Arwa’s parents never let her go anywhere on such trips and excursions, but had promised to be more lenient once she had gotten into a university. To Arwa, that seemed ages away ... she had only three more of her teenage years, left and enjoying them to the fullest seemed of the utmost importance to her. After all, isn’t that what all adults say they miss the most? What would she tell her grandchildren about her youth? That she spent the majority of them holed up in her room, with her nose inside a book? Sure, she loved reading books and spending time alone, but it still felt like she was missing out, like she wasn’t getting the real teenage experience.

In a foreign country, Arwa thought angrily, she would have been able to get a driver’s licence by now.

Arwa’s mind kept switching gears between feeling guilty and feeling angry. Every waking moment was occupied by her guilt, as if a fog had settled inside her brain and refused to thin out.

Finally, the weekend came, which meant that her sister would be coming home. Arwa was ecstatic. She could tell Sakina baji anything without feeling scared or embarrassed. Arwa decided to tell her sister everything.

As she told the story, she could see her sister getting mad, but as she continued along Sakina’s features softened.

“Oh my God, you sound just like me when I was your age,” Sakina remarked, “but I never did anything as stupid and dangerous as not telling amma and baba my whereabouts. What if you had gotten into an accident or worse? Where would we have looked for you if we didn’t even know your last location? And what if you had never told me this and gotten caught in your lie? Do you think anyone would have been able to trust you again?”

“You promised you wouldn’t get mad,” Arwa whined in a low voice.

“Yes, but if I don’t teach you right from wrong, then I wouldn’t be a good sister,” Sakina replied gently. “I really want to tell amma and baba about this so they can reprimand you, but that wouldn’t teach you anything because I know your temperament and I know the next time you do something bad you won’t even tell me.

“Arwa, movies and shows are lies. Fiction novels are just that, fictional. There is no such thing as the ‘proper’ teenage experience and your youth doesn’t expire the second you hit 20. Yes, these are your golden years, but so are the others. Every age you live is a blessing, because you get more time to enjoy the things you want and be with the people you love.

“Social media sells us this idea that we have to make the most out of our lives or else we’ll regret it. But doing what you want to do in a safe way, that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, is making the most out of your life. You don’t have to constantly be on the lookout for an adventure to be content.”

“But all the kids my age have phones and social media accounts, and hang-out plans every weekend. I’m the only one who doesn’t, how is that fair?”

“Arwa, you’re a smart girl, but look what a foolish mistake you made. For now, it’s okay, we live and we learn, and mistakes help us learn. Now imagine you doing something bad on social media, even I couldn’t save you from that. The internet is forever. Once something about you has been posted online, no matter how much you try to hide it or delete it, someone could still have that proof in their hands, and that someone could use it to harm you. Or what if it’s the other way around and you use it to bully or harass someone else online? Wouldn’t our parents be seen at fault for that?”

“But I’d never do those things! I promise.”

“Listen, it’s very easy to get carried away with your emotions, no matter what age you are. When you’re old, you learn how to control your impulses, but when you’re young, you can feel compelled to do and say things in your passion that can have lasting effects. Many mistakes of mine still haunt me today. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Sakina enquired.

Arwa didn’t. She was angry and upset at baji, but didn’t say so and instead just nodded.

A few days later, all her friends except Arwa got called into the principal’s office where their parents were waiting for them. One of the students from their class had taken the screenshot of the girls’ beach pictures from their Instagram account. Then he, along with his friends, made fun of her skin colour and poofy hair. One thing led to another and the whole situation got so drastically out of hand that the school had to intervene.

All the parents were equally oblivious to this beach plan for each girl had given a different friend’s address for the “group study” session.

Surprisingly, Arwa’s name was never mentioned.

When she later inquired about this to her friend Ruba, she explained, “You told us to not post your pictures and so your picture was not among them and you weren’t caught. We didn’t want to snitch on you.”

Arwa hugged her friend and realised that even though they had all made bad decisions, they were still good kids at heart. All her friends’ accounts were then deleted as per their parents’ demands. However, their friendship was not adversely affected, in fact, Arwa’s friends were more present, as they didn’t glance at their phones every two seconds.

And though Arwa never admitted it to her sister, she was actually grateful she didn’t own a phone or a social media account. She still wished for them of course, but now she was willing to wait a couple of years more.

Published in Dawn, Young World, March 25th, 2023