Every time I watch a green number-plate car arrogantly breaking the traffic signal or a beaming parliamentarian enjo­ying his free pilgrimage, I feel an urge to utter something that can’t be published by a newspaper like Dawn.

All this spending and law violations are exercised at the cost of the taxpayers. Within the limited taxpaying populace, one hapless category is the salaried class, which is always sacrificed first whenever any additional tax is levied.

Did anyone once thank or give credit to this class for its contribution, albeit involuntary and forced, towards the recent deal with the International Monetary Fund (IMF)? Every single government official took credit for the near-elusive breakthrough with the Fund, but nobody mentioned words to the effect that we hail the sacrificial lambs behind the deal who will provide a large chunk of the new taxes without consent.

If a ‘neutral’ journalist could pose questions to concerned officials from the salaried class — and there are a lot — an interview would probably look like the following:

Q. Why is the salaried class always at the receiving end in whatever deals the government strikes with multilateral agencies?

A. It’s not that we target these law-abiding citizens wilfully. Their names are mentioned against the only box in the Excel sheet where variable inputs/ numbers are permitted by the IT programmer. The rest of the tax-paying categories are simply frozen in red colour. So, you see it’s more the fault of the programmer who designed the spreadsheet. Whenever we desire to plug a number to narrow the fiscal deficit, that’s the only field accessible. Otherwise, rest assured, the government treats its citizens equally in all respects. The excel sheet is just one of the reasons. I am trying to think of the others.

Pakistan’s salaried class reportedly paid Rs 264 billion tax last year, much more than the exporters and retailers combined. What will it take for the government to recognise their sacrifices in keeping the economy afloat?

Q. Why have you never tried to change the spreadsheet?

A. We tried but our IT department refused. They say everything will get ‘corrupted’ if we tinker with the file.

Q. You must correct the course and start taxing other segments as well, shouldn’t you?

A. We have a concrete plan and, for starters, we are firing the programmer. But other segments need to be prepared to pay taxes. There should be counselling courses etc for the poor class called ‘the rich’ who are sensitive in nature, especially when it comes to taxes. You see, the rich are the ones owning large businesses and employing people. Other rich classes own lands where farmers are employed. They are all patriotic, provided we don’t tax them. If you try tax talk with them, they get psychologically disturbed and threaten to leave the country and shift their factories overseas. So, in the larger interest, we don’t approach them.

Q. The least you can do is to acknowledge the salaried class in your speeches — give them some form of recognition for having their high taxes deducted at source.

A. Now you are talking sense. One idea that immediately comes to mind is to give them a state burial, all costs paid by the government for their lifelong contribution in keeping government after government alive. This will definitely ‘lift their spirits’. You see burials and even finding a grave are a serious societal issue and it consumes a person’s health once they cross middle age. It will be a big mental relief.

Another proposal is to give them the licence to break traffic signals. In this way, as a token of our appreciation, we will be gifting them more time to spend with their families. This proposal will work in tandem with the first one in case of accidents.

Q. Didn’t the IMF voice their concern about the burden on this segment? I thought they often talk about broadening the tax base.

A. To be honest, not really. Their chief whispered into my ear that the IMF says many things it doesn’t really mean. At least that’s what I understood from her accent. So, we always must read between the lines while dealing with them.

They had a young intern who suggested including some kind of tribute to the salaried class in the footnote of the IMF review on page number 2,590. But the chief didn’t agree. She didn’t want to take sides in our internal affairs. We thanked her as the footnote would have disturbed the segment’s mental state even more.

Q. What does the future entail for the salaried class?

A. It’s full of hope. One of these years, the Excel sheet will get fixed. More importantly, since we have reached rock bottom, the only way is up. The country will start prospering and revenues will start growing, hence the burden on the salaried class is bound to lessen. I cannot tell you the time frame but it should happen much before the next 75 years. We are on a learning curve of failures, you see. One must be optimistic about these things. Please appreciate that hope is currently being offered free to them without any additional surcharge.

Q. I just met a salaried person on my way to this interview. He said he would write an email to IMF to protest victimisation.

A. That’s not nice. Tell him we love him, and the expense of his next family-death is on me.

In the end, all I can say is that the salaried class should develop the habit of having dreams of contentment. After all, its money is letting the country stay afloat. And by the way, Dreamland is a tax-free haven!

The writer is the award-winning novelist of Melody of a Tear and The Liar’s Truth.
He tweets @Haroontheauthor

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 20th, 2023