CLIFTONIA: HEARTY CONJUGATIONS
Cliftonia: The Later Years
A History Book For Sixth Graders
By Shagufta de la Mare
Single Curriculum Publishers
Chapter 354
Cliftonia Ali was a direct descendent of the Republic’s father, Pedro Cliftovar. Fifth in line to the throne, she had worked tirelessly, day and night, night and day, mornings and afternoons, afternoons and mornings, putting in countless hours of overtime to achieve her goal of becoming the nation’s premier political personality.
Being a keen educationist, she always made time to visit schools and impart wisdom to anyone who stood in her way. One day, during her first stint as the chief executive officer of the state of Aitchisonia-upon-Chenab, she visited the largest girls’ school in the land. Unfortunately, the largest girl was not present that day and Cliftonia Ali had to make do with medium-sized ones to meet and quiz on their general knowledge.
“And what are we studying today?” she asked a sixth grader.
“Today, we are learning grammar… how to conjugate verbs,” replied the little girl.
“Ah, you mean geography?” said Cliftonia Ali.
“Hmmm… I guess so, if you mean the new version of geography, in which Germany shares its borders with Japan,” the confused student answered.
“Bravo! I’m happy to see that you are paying attention during lessons. If you keep working hard in class, I am in no doubt that you will one day become Cliftonia’s leading conjugating geographer!” said a proud Cliftonia Ali.
Eos presents further excerpts from a schoolbook charting out the Republic of Cliftonia’s history
Chapter 537
During the unprecedentedly evil colonial times, National Icon&Hope Nazir Jr, one of the most popular politicians in the history of the universe and a direct descendent of the founder, found himself on a different page than the colonials. The page that he was on now rested safely in one of the Republic’s infamous incarceration communities.
But being the most courageous soul ever invented in the Milky Way Galaxy, he exhibited heretofore unheard levels of exceptional bravery, akin to a dehydrated hyena in heat, and refused to compromise on his principles, his workout regimen and his daily diet of desi chicken.
The unaccountably cruel colonials were forced to accept defeat and revert to certain sections of the same page, upon which they stood together once upon a time, holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes. These hallowed sections allowed the confined saviour eight rooms all to his lonesome (so that he could pace and flex better), including one furnished with his gym equipment and a meal plan that ditched broiler chicken — replacing it with desi chicken — as demanded by the great messiah.
Cliftonia was in awe of the sacrifices that the National Icon&Hope was making everyday for the sake of the poor, marginalised and oppressed Aitchisonians sprinkled liberally across our glorious land (as well as across glorious London, glorious New York, glorious Dubai, glorious Singapore and glorious Melbourne). No leader had ever made such painful sacrifices for the people before. It was unprecedented… just like the Big Bang.
Chapter 612
In the year of our Lord 1593, Gentle Cliftonian Cadet Jameel ‘Jimmy’ Niazi became the first ever human being and the first Cliftonian to graduate with a degree in “Combat Training In Real Estate Acquisition And Management” from the renowned Aitchisionia Military Academy. No officer in the world had ever acquired such a qualification before.
Graduating at the top of his class, he was presented with the “Plot of Honour” award by Gen GHQ, Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces of the Cliftonian Empire, at a glittering ceremony held at the Republic’s first gated community.
This achievement was only possible because of his Divinely ordained status as a direct descendent of Cliftonia’s founder. It also entitled him to the Republic’s throne, as enunciated in the Cliftonian Bill of Rights, drafted by the much-admired American philosopher and sage, Donald Trump.
Questions For Students
How high is the border between Germany and Japan?
How high should you be when you are measuring the border between Germany and Japan?
Are there any executive restrooms located on the motorway between Germany and Japan and, if there are, how much do they charge for their service?
How many geographers are there in a dozen?
Who wrote the New York Timesbestseller Cliftonia: A Personal Geography?
How many verbs can you conjugate on a rainy day?
Is it halal to have conjugal relations with the verb ‘to be’?
How many personal gyms did Nelson Mandela have in his cell on Robben Island?
How many desi chickens was Martin Luther King Jr served in jail?
Have you ever won the “Plot of Honour”? If so, how much is it worth now?
What percentage of Cliftonians consider themselves martial warriors?
If Country A invades Country B at 9:05am, how long will it take its martial warriors to acquire and manage 253 corner plots by closing time?
Did your parents ever impose Martial Lawn upon you as part of your summer wardrobe?
Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.
He’s on X @faridalvie
Published in Dawn, EOS, April 21st, 2024