Dear Auntie,
I am a first-year MBBS student at a medical college in Pakistan and hail from an under-developed area of Sindh. My problem is that I don’t want to get married at this time, as I am only 20 years old. However, my father is forcing me to marry the daughter of his cousin, who is also his very close friend.

The big issue is that, in the beginning, they all were lying to me that the girl I am supposed to marry is physically and mentally fit. They won’t allow me to meet my future spouse even once, due to some primitive tradition. Meanwhile, my brother has told me that the girl I am supposed to marry has a mental health condition and suffers from neurological disorders.

My entire family, along with my father, has been pressurising, and even blackmailing me to agree to the marriage. They want to put the burden of their cousin’s daughter on me to save their worthless old relationship.

They just want me to marry the girl
ASAP, but I am still in my first year at
medical school. My entire MBBS journey
is ahead of me. How can I handle my life
witthese hurdles?

‘I’m Being Hurried into a Marriage Against My Wishes’

I don’t know how to deal with this mess. 
I just need an easy solution.
AD Strange

Dear AD Strange,
This must feel like a very overwhelming situation, especially as you’re trying to focus on your studies and future. The pressure you’re facing is unfair, and it’s important to acknowledge that you’re being asked to make a life-altering decision without having all the information or the readiness for such a step.

Calmly and respectfully explain to your father and family that you’re not ready for marriage right now, both because of your MBBS studies and the gravity of the situation. Emphasise that marriage requires mental and emotional readiness, which you do not feel you have at this stage.

They won’t allow me to meet my future spouse even once, due to some primitive tradition. Meanwhile, my brother has told me that the girl I am supposed to marry has a mental health condition and suffers from neurological disorders.

Help them understand how important this phase of your education is for your career. Lay stress on the fact that the added  burden of a forced marriage would negatively impact your ability to succeed.

Also, you absolutely deserve to have a say in this decision. If their daughter has a serious health condition that you have not been told about, you have the right to understand the full situation and choose whether or not this is something you are willing to take on. Marriage should be a partnership built on trust and mutual understanding, not just based on family pressure.

If there is anyone in your family who understands your perspective, involve them in the conversation to help you communicate your feelings. Sometimes, a mediator can ease the tension and make your voice heard more effectively.

Calmly and respectfully explain to your father and family that you’re not ready for marriage right now, both because of your MBBS studies and the gravity of the situation. Emphasise that marriage requires mental and emotional readiness, which you do not feel you have at this stage.

If you are facing too much heat at home, propose delaying any decisions about marriage until you are done with your studies. This gives you time and space to think things through, without the immediate pressure.

And finally, remember that this is your life, your education and your future. While your family is important and ideally you don’t want to ruin things with them, you have the right to prioritise your personal and professional goals before committing to something as serious as marriage.

I hope this helps you in making the best decision for yourself.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 15th, 2024