Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing
By Mathew Perry
Headline
ISBN: 978-1472295972
272pp.

The world will always remember Matthew Perry as the delightful Chandler Bing on Friends, but the supreme irony that this memoir underscores relentlessly is that this man, who could make the whole world laugh, was privately one of the most tragic of figures.

The ‘big terrible thing’ alluded to in the title of this alternately humorous and horrific book is drug and alcohol addiction, to which Perry sadly succumbed on October 28, 2023.

While that is undoubtedly tragic, what is surprising is not that he died of a ketamine overdose; what is unbelievable is why a man who, for prolonged periods of time, was ingesting up to 55 Vicodin pills a day did not die sooner.

Perhaps fate had decreed that Perry would live long enough to complete a globally renowned TV show, and write this cautionary book; a book that will undoubtedly affect the masses, as they realise that the price of fame can sometimes be just too high.

The memoirs of late actor Mathew Perry have him talking about his troubled life that drove him to drug and alcohol addiction

It was so for the legendary River Phoenix (who died of a speedball overdose in his early twenties). Perry knew Phoenix and admired him tremendously; the book contains several wonderful photos, including one of the two of them when they first got to know each other.

Born to a mother who was a Canadian beauty queen and a good-looking father who was an actor, Matthew Perry’s life was torn apart in early childhood due to his parents’ divorce. His mother was more than just a pretty face, however; she served as former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau’s assistant for a number of years.

One of Perry’s most poignant memories was being placed on a plane as an unaccompanied minor and going to visit his father in California when he was five. Sensitive and bewildered, the child was justifiably traumatised by this experience, which sets the keynote for several of the tough or bittersweet anecdotes he recounts later.

It also explains why Perry eventually became very good at concealing his feelings behind both humour, and on a far more dangerous level, behind drugs and alcohol.

As Perry grew older, he became a notable teenage Canadian tennis player, but his father’s genes appeared to dictate that he would end up following a different passion — acting.

Ironically, Perry almost didn’t get the part of Chandler in Friends, although there was no doubt in his mind that he was perfect for it. It almost went to another actor, who foolishly turned it down in favour of starring on another show.

Be that as it may, a great communal chemistry was born between Perry and his co-stars once all of them were cast and performed the pilot episode. He writes of Courteney Cox’s humility, Matt LeBlanc’s shrewdness and David Schwimmer’s enterprising intelligence with genuine admiration.

Lisa Kudrow, who played Phoebe Buffay on the sitcom, has written a dignified and sensitive foreword for Perry’s book, where she gracefully notes that the person best equipped to tell people how the actor is doing is Matthew Perry himself.

Over the course of the numerous seasons of this phenomenal show, Perry’s co-stars naturally got to know him well. He recounts how his addiction issues were not something he was able to keep secret after a while from his fellow actors, and the considerate Jennifer Aniston was one of the first people to express concern and confront him about this frightening problem.

In spite of having to wrestle with such demons, Perry proved to be a consummate professional and maintained consistently excellent performances episode after episode.

Over a number of years, Matthew Perry spent several million dollars in rehab facilities (ranging from Switzerland to the United States) trying to quit drugs. The commencement of the book involves him describing how his assistant had to rush him to hospital since he was in incredibly unbearable pain. (Although he had cleaned up his act while filming Friends, he remained in the grip of addiction periodically for years after the show ended.)

It was that night when I first felt the obsession for alcohol. I noticed that no-one else seemed even the slightest bit fazed by the lack of drink at Gaby’s — but I had that overpowering pull, like a great magnet and I was just little shards of iron. I was freaked out by this, especially as it was me and only me who seemed to be struggling. So, I decided to not go find more to drink that night … but it left me unable to sleep, uncomfortable, tossing and turning, lost to it. Restless, irritable, and discontented until the sun finally rose. What was happening to me? What was wrong with me? Why was I the only person who had been dying for another drink? I couldn’t tell anyone this was happening, because even I didn’t understand it. — Excerpt from the book

Drug abuse had caused his colon to explode. Requiring emergency surgery, he was rendered comatose for days. It was a miracle that he survived, but the long haul back to recovery involved him sporting a colostomy bag for nine months.

What is perhaps equally miraculous is that he never lost touch with his sense of humour — no matter how bad things became. Even though he rarely won any major TV awards, he certainly deserves accolades for displaying immense grace under pressure.

Aside from Friends, Perry acquired additional fame by means of films such as The Whole Nine Yards, where he co-starred alongside Bruce Willis. He describes Willis as privately being a very pleasant and down-to-earth individual, and both were genuinely upset by the fact that the sequel to the film, The Whole Ten Yards, flopped.

However, Perry comes across as being a pro at philosophically taking the good along with the bad over the course of his roller-coaster ride of a life. His book manages to be not simply cautionary but also vastly entertaining, largely due to its fast pace and often ostensibly merry tone.

Only rarely does one get glimpses of how truly wretched he felt about the fact that his addiction issues were so severe, that he never managed to have a successful long-term relationship with anyone, let alone marry and have children.

At one point he notes that while he was happy about the fact that Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner’s daughter Natasha had had a child, this also saddened him, because he himself had never been able to become a parent due to his overwhelming personal problems.

The book makes note of how grateful Perry was towards all the friends and loved ones who helped him combat his ongoing addiction; in fact, he recounts how he became especially spiritual once while coping with a psychotic episode at the home of his caring father.

I do not think it would be fair to assume that Perry’s lifestyle underscored that he had a death-wish, since, at his best, he was a fun-loving individual who enjoyed making others happy. Perhaps, at least some of his problems can be attributed to the pressures and dictates of fame, which can be an exacting and demanding taskmistress to say the least.

Perry writes of how, prior to getting the role of Chandler, he made an almost Faustian pact with God; he did get the part he prayed for, but had simultaneously agreed to deal with whatever consequences followed. Alas, those consequences took him down a dark road towards self-destruction.

One hopes, however, that this loveable yet anguished man is now at peace. He experienced many things over the course of his remarkable life, but, unfortunately, peace was virtually never one of them.

The reviewer is associate professor of social sciences and liberal arts at the Institute of Business Administration. She has authored a collection of short stories Timeless College Tales and a play

The Political Chess King

Published in Dawn, Books & Authors, September 15th, 2024