Many people think of self-love as selfishness, but there is a huge difference. Selfishness means using another person for your own benefit, harming others, and not caring for the feeling of others. On the other hand, in self-love, you take care of yourself and your feelings, which is important for a person’s well-being.

To be successful, you must have self-confidence, and this comes from self-love, when you value yourself for what you are. Unfortunately, the biggest problem today is that people are busy in trying to please and impress others. We prioritise other people’s preferences over our own, and that’s why we want to dress in a way that others will appreciate, rather than what we feel comfortable in. We want to do what others approve of, rather than following our own passion. And in doing all this, we are not practicing self-love. In trying to please others, we are not focusing on our own happiness and desires.

Sports are not given much value in our society, but Arshad Nadeem, who is from a rural area, is an inspiration for everyone because of his achievement as the first Pakistani to win an individual Olympic gold medal. Now Arshad Nadeem is being admired all over the world. He was able to achieve this greatness because he didn’t care about what people would think or what views do they have about javelin throwing, which is hardly something anyone aspires to do. If he had focused on trying to become a cricketer, like most youngsters in our country want to, because it is the most popular sport here, he would not have made it so big. But he did what he was interested in and so succeeded.

Similarly, we should all stop caring about what people would say, instead we should focus on our passion, because it is not possible to fully satisfy everyone. Here is a short story to further explain my point.

There was a man who was going with his goods on a donkey. Some people saw him and said that he was a very cruel person who had put so much burden on an innocent animal. Hearing this, the man got down from the donkey and started walking.

When he went a little further, some people saw him and said what a hard-hearted person he was for not carrying any goods and walking, while putting so much stuff on the poor animal.

Hearing this, the man removed all the stuff from the donkey, picked it up himself and started the journey again. When he moved ahead, some other people saw him and laughed at him, saying how foolish a person he was, despite having a donkey, he has carried all the stuff himself and was not riding on the donkey.

This story was meant to show that satisfying people only wastes your time and energy, for they will always have something to complain about, no matter what you do. It is wiser to stop trying to meet other people’s expectations, and focus on your own needs and dreams.

Believe me, life becomes very peaceful when we stop caring about people and start caring about ourselves.

Just as one cannot digest too much food, in the same way, too much love cannot be digested by anyone. This is why when we give more love to someone, we become valueless in their eyes. Make self-love your first priority, give yourself the highest value so that you understand your worth, after which you can better make others appreciate you in the same way. Until we understand our own worth, others will never value us and will always take us for granted.

Accept yourself the way you are, because no one is inferior. We all are created by the same God and we all have some God-gifted talent within us, we just need to explore it. And in order to explore that, it is necessary to love and understand yourself, otherwise you will think of yourself as worthless, even if you have some special talent within you. So unless you love and value yourself enough to explore what you really are, you will spend your life admiring and applauding the success of others.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging others by applauding their success, but make yourself good enough that others also applaud you for what you really are. And for that, it is very important to believe in yourself. The stronger the foundation of a building, the more it will be able to cope with natural disasters. In the same way, the more you believe in yourself, the more challenges you will be able to face with success.

Self-love teaches us that just as it is wrong to hurt others, it is also wrong to hurt ourselves and we hurt ourselves by hating someone or being angry at someone. The bitterness we carry for someone is first tasted by us, for it lies within us, with sometimes the other person not even knowing what we feel. So don’t hate or be so angry with others that it ruins your own peace of mind and you suffer as a result.

Retribution is real. As we sow, so shall we reap. So instead of being angry at someone, forgive them for your own peace of mind, and if you have peace of mind, you are the richest person in the world.

Some of the most common complaints that people have about life are why others hurt and ignore them, why people don’t value them even when they treat others well. If you reflect upon this, you will realise that the root of these complaints lie in the fact that we look for happiness in temporary things and other people, while real happiness is within ourselves. And the person who learns the skill to be happy alone does not need anyone. No one can make such a person sad and no one can make him or her cry.

You don’t need to have a lot of money to be happy, but you need to love your life, and to do that, you must have self-love. Then you will enjoy your own company without the need to be appreciated and valued by others. Start finding joy in small things — like watching the sunrise, lying under the open sky and looking at the stars, and doing your favourite activities that bring you happiness.

Life is very beautiful, to make it more beautiful by loving yourself for who you are.

Published in Dawn, Young World, October 19th, 2024