Hi Auntie, 
I am a 24-year-old girl who is currently studying. My query may seem unusual, but it’s something I need to address. My mother is a widow and looking after me and my four siblings. While we are living a happy life, I’m facing trouble in my relationship.

I want to marry a person from a different sect and my family is not ready, because they have this old-school idea that marriage into another sect is not allowed in our tribe. That is why I get depressed every single day and can’t focus on my studies. I also have to complete my degree. How can my family and I come out of this dilemma?
Please respond.
All loved up

‘My Family Is Against My Marrying Into a Different Sect’

Dear All loved up,
This is a really tough spot to be in, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed. Balancing your own feelings and your family’s expectations can be really hard, especially when it involves something as personal as who you want to marry.

One of the first things that might help is talking to your family about how you’re feeling. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation; just an honest conversation where you can explain why this relationship is important to you. At the same time, try to listen to their concerns too. Sometimes families hold on to traditions because they feel it’s the safest or best thing for you, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now.

Sometimes families hold on to traditions because they feel it’s the safest or best thing for you, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. If talking directly to your family feels too difficult, maybe there’s someone in your family or a close friend who could help mediate, someone who understands both your perspective and your family’s.

If talking directly to your family feels too difficult, maybe there’s someone in your family or a close friend who could help mediate, someone who understands both your perspective and your family’s. Having someone else involved might help both sides communicate better.

It’s also important to remember that your education is something you’ve worked hard for and staying focused on that is important for your future. I know it’s hard when you’re feeling this much pressure, but maybe finding small ways to take care of yourself — whether it’s talking to someone you trust, writing down your feelings or just taking time to breathe — could help ease some of the stress.

This is a big decision and it’s okay to give yourself time. It’s not easy when it feels like you’re stuck between two worlds, but with patience and understanding, things can sometimes work out in ways you don’t expect. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s okay to seek help from a counsellor or someone who can guide you through these difficult emotions.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, October 27th, 2024