The key to solution of any problem lies in recognising what the nature of the problem is. So what is anger? Broadly defined, it is an unpleasant feeling that occurs when we think that we have been mistreated in one way or another. Anger management experts say that if you find yourself getting annoyed, irritated or throwing a tantrum more than thrice a day, you have a problem. If this problem affects your professional and personal life, then you need to take a proactive role to control your temper.

A key step in the process of anger management is recognising that the solution lies with you. Very often, people disguise their pain with anger. For example, it is common to see people lash out in fury after the death of a loved one. This is not because they are angry, but because they are in deep pain and don't know how to deal with it. Anger distracts them and they transfer the negative emotions from themselves to others around them, which is easier and more convenient. Everything becomes the other person's fault. But when you recognise that it isn't them but you, you're on your way to solving your own problem.

For starters, try and write down in a journal every time you feel irritated, annoyed, upset and angry. Record the time and the date as well as the reason for your emotional distress. This will help you figure out what exactly triggers the anger. When you spot what activates your anger, you can make adjustments in your life to avoid what upsets you. For example, a friend of mine discovered that a traffic jam in the morning triggered road rage in him which spilled over to other people such as his office colleagues, his wife and his children later in the day. Keeping a diary helped him recognise this. He took to getting up and driving to work an hour earlier to avoid the crazy traffic. His attitude, as well as his life, has improved considerably since.

Anger is controlled and triggered off by the part of our brain known as the amyglada (where adrenaline is produced). Whenever we perceive a threat to our being, the amyglada takes over and prevents the cortex, responsible for thought and judgement, from viewing the situation rationally and calmly. When you feel the onset of anger, start counting backwards from 100. What you are doing is forcing your cortex to work and not allowing the amyglada and therefore the anger, from hijacking your being. By the time you reach '1', you are calmer and have thought about the situation with a lack of agitation, thereby reducing the risk of lashing out verbally or physically.

When you are agitated, your breathing and heart rate goes up, which causes even more stress. Ease it out by consciously thinking about your breathing. Inhale deeply, filling your lungs. Then exhale slowly and imagine negativity being expelled from your system. Do this for 15 minutes and you will emerge a more composed person, no matter what has triggered you off.

Creating a time table of anger is a difficult but valuable exercise. Assign a time of the day. Do not give yourself more than 30 minutes. At this time, let out your anger in a manner that hurts no one, including yourself. Punch a pillow or scream into it. Vent with a friend. Write in a journal. Exercise vigorously. Listen to loud music. But when that time period is up, you must train your mind, with the help of breathing and counting, to exit the state of anger. If you are upset in the day, do a mental check and say “Not now, I will only allow myself to have this thought in the evening, as scheduled”. Train your mind and control your thoughts, which will help control that fury.

Anger management is necessary. Studies have shown that people who are anger-prone have weaker immune systems and are at a significantly greater risk for heart disease. Working on it takes time and patience and plenty of mental discipline. It is an arduous process, but not an impossible one.